


Alone Inside

by Shire55



Category: P/C - Fandom, P/C h/c, Picard/Crusher, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-19
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-27 13:26:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shire55/pseuds/Shire55





	Alone Inside

Alone Inside.  
"Don't forget to pack your swimsuityou know the green  
onethe one I like."  
Beverly Crusher, CMO of the Starship Enterprise stuck her head  
around his bedroom door, a sly grin on her face.  
"I told you Jean-Luc, we're not going on a jauntit's  
a medical symposium. You knowboring lectures, even more  
boring food"  
"All I'm saying is the Emerald Sea at Tyrenna is breathtaking  
at sunset. The water is warm and the sand soft and golden. You'd  
be mad if you didn't try to schedule some time to swim. Anyway,  
they can't keep you at lectures all the time. You and Deanna must  
get some personal time, you're there for two weeks after all."  
She laughed softly and came fully into the living area. Sidling  
up to him, she wound her arms around his chest and gently kissed  
him.  
He sighed, his eyes drifting shut. His arms encircled her as his  
tongue tenderly requested admission into her mouth. She opened  
to him willingly and he deepened the kiss, pulling her more tightly  
to his body, his hands sliding down to cup her buttocks.  
She moaned into his mouth as he ground their hips together, feeling  
the growing arousal.  
Panting, she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his.  
In an unsteady voice she said,  
"We can'tnot now. I've got to finish packing and Deanna's  
waiting for methere's not enough time."  
In response, Jean-Luc kissed her again and slowly walked her backwards  
into the bedroom. Without breaking the kiss, he undid her blouse  
and slipped his hands inside, caressing her breasts. Again she  
broke the kiss and gasped,  
"Jean-Luc"  
His hands swiftly unfastened her skirt and soon it and her underwear  
were lying at her feet. He pushed her bra up and tongued her stiff  
nipples.  
She couldn't resist him. Her hands undid his shirt and opened  
it so she could touch the flexing muscles of his chest. As she  
did this, he quickly undid his trousers and pushed them, and his  
briefs down and out of the way. Easing her back onto the bed,  
he shoved the clothes and case aside and covered her with his  
body. With his hands caressing her breasts and kissing her passionately,  
he entered her with one fluid stroke.  
Beverly cried out and arched up to him, her hands sliding under  
his shirt to rake his back.  
He thrust into her hard and fast and she met every action with  
one of her own. Her legs came up his sides and over his hips as  
she clung to him. He broke the kiss and braced himself on his  
arms, watching her intently as he pistoned into her. Her hands  
gripped his muscled arms as she writhed beneath him.  
"Oh God yes! Moreharderplease Jean-Luc harder!"  
He closed his eyes, bowed his head and gave up his formidable  
control as his lean muscular body flexed in his efforts to please  
her. He pumped in and out of her furiously and she felt the onrush  
of her climax.  
Her upper body rose, her head straining back on her neck as the  
ecstasy exploded through her body. His name was torn from her  
throat and she sobbed as subsequent orgasms ripped through her.  
The sounds of her passion were his undoing. His release was shattering,  
his body shivering with sensation as he buried himself deeply  
inside her and pumped his essence into her. They both remained  
stiff with the aftershocks before slowly relaxing and catching  
their breath. Jean-Luc lowered himself on shaking arms and kissed  
Beverly tenderly. They were quiet for a time, each feeling the  
love of the other and savouring it, holding it deep in their hearts,  
hoping it would sustain them during the upcoming separation.  
It was Beverly who spoke first.  
"Thank you my love."  
Jean-Luc raised his head and kissed her softly, his fingers gently  
rubbing through her hair.  
"It is I who should thank you my lovely."  
Beverly giggled and touched her nose to his.  
"Where did that come from anyway? Didn't you get enough this  
morning?"  
Rolling onto his side and pulling her with him, he grinned sheepishly  
and gave a gentle shrug.  
"When you kissed me I had a sudden urge to make love to you.  
You're very alluring you know."  
"Well it was sudden, I'll give you that."  
She looked down their bodies and laughed happily.  
"You've still got your pants onand your socks and shoes.  
My, you were in a hurry."  
"Well you said Deanna was waiting and"  
"Oh GodDeanna! Jean-Luc get up. I have to shower now  
and finish packing"  
He was still lying on the bed as Beverly made a dash for the bathroom.  
Over her shoulder she called,  
"You clean up the mess while I shower."  
He climbed to his feet, restored his clothing to its proper place  
and had tidied the bedroom by the time Beverly re-emerged. She  
dressed quickly and he watched in amused silence as she threw  
articles into her carry case. After a quick trip back to the bathroom  
to apply her makeup, she rejoined her lover in the bedroom and  
cast her eyes about, trying to think if she'd remembered everything.  
She nodded to herself and closed the case with a satisfied sigh.  
"Well that's about it Jean-LucI think I'm ready. How  
do I look?"  
Jean-Luc smiled and took her in his arms.  
"You look utterly delectable. You always do."  
Beverly chuckled then grew serious.  
"Now Jean-Lucyou will eat properly?"  
"Yes Beverly."  
"And get enough sleep?"  
"Yes Beverly."  
"And no working at your desk 'til God knows what time?"  
"Yes Beverly."  
"And no sleeping in the Ready Room?"  
"Yes Beverly."  
"Stop saying 'yes Beverly'!"  
"Yes Beverly."  
She playfully slapped his chest as a rare full grin graced his  
handsome features. She sighed and rested her head on his chest.  
"I'll miss you."  
He pulled her closer to him and murmured,  
"And I you, my beloved. I will be counting the days until  
you return to me."  
Beverly looked up into his dark hazel eyes and kissed him one  
last time.  
When they parted, he picked up her case and together they left  
his quarters.

 

 

 

 

Will Riker; second in command of the Starship was waiting  
with Counsellor Deanna Troi in Shuttle Bay three when the Captain  
and his CMO entered. They walked together, but without touching.  
As was his habit, Jean-Luc refrained from showing open affection  
for Beverly whilst on duty.  
As the others chatted, the Captain placed Beverly's case in the  
runabout, checked the instruments, then joined his officers.  
Will lifted his bearded chin and grinned down at the two women.  
" Now I hope you ladies stay out of trouble, you're representing  
the flagship remember."  
Deanna giggled delightedly.  
"If I recall those stories about some of your shore leaves,  
we have some traditions to uphold."  
"Ah yes, but they were shore leaves, not medical symposiums."  
Jean-Luc joined the conversation.  
"Will's right. You will be required to be on your best behaviour  
for the entire two weeks I'm afraid and if I receive even so much  
as one detrimental reportwell let's just say I won't be  
very happy."  
Beverly's eyes gleamed evilly.  
"Well we can't have that now can we?"  
Nudging her friend she said sotto voce,  
"We'll just have to be very careful!"  
The four friends laughed and Will hugged Deanna. Observing that  
they were occupied, Jean-Luc gave Beverly's hand a quick squeeze  
and a surreptitious wink, earning him a beaming smile. The men  
stood back as the women boarded the runabout, then walked to the  
control module as the doors opened. They watched in silence as  
the runabout powered up, rose from the floor and exited the ship.  
Will sighed and turned to his Captain.  
"Well Sir they're on their way. God help Targus III. Jean-Luc  
grinned and clasped his friend's shoulder.  
"I just hope they leave the planet in one piece Number One."  
"It will take them whatthree days to reach Targus?"  
"Yes, but I've managed to organize a rendezvous with them  
at Starbase two sierra tango on their return. It will save us  
two days travel and the crew can have some shore leave on the  
station."  
Will smiled and nodded.  
"Thank you Sir. I'm sure the crew will appreciate it."  
The two men left for the Bridge.

 

 

 

Deanna consulted the monitors once again and, satisfied  
with what she saw, left the cockpit to join Beverly in the main  
body of the runabout.  
"Want some lunch?"  
Beverly uncrossed her long legs and put aside the PADD she'd been  
reading.  
"We've only been travelling for two hours Deanna. Didn't  
you have anything before we left?"  
"I was too excitedand Will was being, well, solicitousyou  
know how he gets."  
"Hmm."  
"What about you?"  
"What about me?"  
"You knowwas the Captaindid heoh come on  
Beverly you know what I mean."  
Beverly laughed and went to the replicator.  
"What do you want to eat?"  
"What? Oh, just a chicken salad. It's no good hiding Beverly;  
I can sense your happinessand his, although he's doing his  
damnedest to shut me out. Come on, tell me!"  
Beverly was silent while she retrieved two salads and drinks.  
She placed the meals on the table, sat and picked up her serviette  
before Deanna spoke again.  
"Beverly!"  
She looked up and smiled wistfully.  
"We made love. Twice this morning and again about twenty  
minutes before we made it to the Shuttle Bay."  
Deanna's eyes opened wide, her fork stopped en route to her mouth.  
"Wow! What's he like?"  
"Deanna!"  
"Oh come on Beverly, detailsI want details!"  
Grinning saucily, Beverly ate a few bites, then pointed with her  
knife.  
"I can tell you he'd put most men half his age to shame.  
He's gentle, considerate, energetic and has the stamina of a twenty  
year old."  
Deanna smirked and sighed.  
"So you're satisfied then?"  
"Satisfied? Gods, I'm worn out! I don't know how he does  
itI'm just happy he does."  
The two friends shared a giggle and Deanna though the subject  
was closed. Beverly, however, wasn't finished.  
"And his handsand mouthoh God Dee, the first  
time I thought I'd died and gone to heaven."  
"Really?"  
"Uh huh. Underneath that cool exterior lies the heart of  
a true lovera man dedicated to giving his partner nothing  
but the purest pleasure."  
Deanna nodded and smiled.  
"To those that don't know him, you'd think he was cold, almost  
devoid of emotion. It took me years to realise the depths of his  
passions. You're one lucky woman."  
"I know. When we began this new relationship I didn't know  
how he'd be with meyou know, would he be hesitant, shyI  
didn't expect such desire, such forthright passion. I know he's  
loved me for a very long timeI don't know how he kept it  
all in check."  
"Men like Captain Picard are often repressed in their personal  
relationships. I think the love he's had for you all these years  
has prepared him for you. I don't think he could be that way with  
anyone else."  
"Really? That's flattering. I know I've given myself to him  
whollybody and soul. He's the love of my life."  
Deanna sighed and took a sip of her tea.  
"What about you and Will?"  
"We're fine. He's another one who's commitment shy, but we  
have worked out a lot of issues. I think we're moving forward  
well now."  
"That's good. I know one thingthe men in our lives  
sure do keep us on our toes. How many women have a lover who's  
also their commanding officer?"  
Deanna laughed and shook her head.  
"Only you I think."

 

 

 

 

 

Two days later the Enterprise was mapping a binary  
star system. Stellar cartography was in the process of formulating  
predicted configurations when a call came through from Cargo Bay  
nine.  
"Ensign Fullarton to Commander Data."  
"Data here."  
"Sir I've finished loading the supplies for Ephrim colony.  
What do you want me to do next?"  
"So soon Ensign? I will be down shortly. Please wait for  
me."  
As Data stood, Captain Picard held up his hand.  
"Wait Data. I've got to go down to Astrophysics; I'll drop  
by and see to Ensign Fullarton. Let Commander Riker know where  
I've gone will you? You have the Bridge."  
Data nodded.  
"Thank you Sir."  
Jean-Luc entered the turbolift and allowed his mind to wander  
momentarily.  
"I wonder what she's doing now? Still in the runaboutmaybe  
reading, catching up on her research. Two daysit's been  
two days and Gods I miss her. I don't want to be in my quarters  
without her or in my bed alone. Fifteen more days! How will  
I make it through that?"  
The lift arrived on the appropriate deck and the Captain exited  
and headed to Cargo Bay nine. When the doors opened he stood stunned  
at what he saw.  
"Ensign! What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
Ensign Amy Fullarton snapped to attention and blanched.  
"Sir! I thought I'd save some time, Sir!"  
"By grossly overloading the antigrav?"  
Jean-Luc stepped further into the room and could hear the whine  
of the protesting antigrav. The Ensign had put five times the  
recommended load on the unit. Crates, stasis units, supplies of  
all sorts were piled high, topped with several steel spikes, used  
in geology to separate rocks for study. A metre long and two point  
five centimetres thick, they were sharp at one end and flattened  
at the other.  
The Captain walked over to the antigrav, awed by what he saw.  
"Ensign why?"  
The hapless officer rushed forward to speak with her Captain,  
only to stumble. Pitching forward, she cannoned into the captain,  
knocking him off his feet. He fell sideways, collecting the edge  
of the antigrav as he tried to prevent his fall. The two officers  
lay sprawled on the floor with one of the Captain's arms under  
the antigrav.  
The jostling was too much for the straining unit. It veered, dipped  
and emitted a loud screech before suddenly slamming down onto  
the deck. The load rebounded with the impact and the metal spikes  
jumped into the air.  
Jean-Luc, his arm trapped up to the shoulder, was just registering  
the fact when the spikes fell towards him. He glimpsed them in  
horror and used his free arm to shove the Ensign away.  
He couldn't contain the yell of agony as three of the spikes impaled  
him. One through his thigh, one through his lower chest and one  
through his shoulder.  
Amy sat up and stared in horror. A dark pool of blood was spreading  
around her Captain as he shuddered in agony. She slapped her combadge.  
"Medical emergency in Cargo Bay nine! The Captain's been  
injured!"  
On her hands and knees, she went to him and gingerly touched the  
spike protruding from his chest.  
"Sircan I help you?is there anything I can do?"  
Through gritted teeth Jean-Luc replied,  
"No. Don't touch mewait for the medics."  
Overhead the speakers came to life.  
"This is the Bridge. State the nature of the emergency."  
"It's AmyI mean Ensign Fullarton. Captain Picard has  
been impaled by several spikes and is trapped by his arm, which  
is under the antigrav. There's so much blood"  
"Stay calm Ensign. Medical should be with you momentarily.  
Commander Riker is on his way and he will monitor the situation  
from there. Is the Captain conscious?"  
"Yes Sir."  
"Then stay with him and"  
"The medics are here Sir!"  
Amy sat back as Doctor Selar and two nurses rushed across the  
distance from the closing doors.  
Deploying her med kit, Selar scanned Jean-Luc with a medical tricorder  
and administered an analgesic. Using another scanner, she mapped  
the positions of the spikes. Turning to Amy, she ordered her to  
obtain a phaser. Being relieved to be able to help, the Ensign  
was back in moments, handing the weapon to the Doctor.  
With the help of the two nurses, Selar cut the spikes off, leaving  
two centimetres of the metal above Jean-Luc's skin. Tapping her  
combadge, she called the Bridge just as Will arrived.  
"Selar to Bridge."  
"Bridge here."  
"We have stabilised the Captain but he is still trapped.  
His condition is serious. When we have unloaded the antigrav I  
will immobilise his arm and have him transported to Sick Bay."  
"Understood."  
Will crouched down beside his Commanding Officer and asked the  
Doctor,  
"What can I do?"  
As she stood, Selar looked down at the Commander.  
"You can help by aiding us in unloading the antigrav."  
The five crew immediately began to relieve the unit of its load.  
As they worked, Will frowned at the Ensign.  
"What the hell were you trying to do? You should know better  
than to place this much weight on this size antigrav."  
Without pausing in her work, Amy answered her Commander.  
"I do know Sirit's justI was trying to get the  
work done quickly. Commander Data was overseeing my rotation and  
I wanted to"  
"Impress him. I see. Well I hope you've learned from this  
disaster Ensign. Not too many Ensigns slip up by nearly killing  
their Captain by being overly keen."  
"Yes Sir. Do you think he'll be all right?"  
Will took pity on the woman and relented.  
"I'm sure once we get him to Sick Bay he'll be fine."  
Selar shooed Will and Amy out of the way when the job was finished  
and bent to speak to the Captain.  
"Sir we will soon be lifting the unit off your arm. Please  
remain as still as you can. I do not want to exacerbate your injuries."  
Jean-Luc grunted his acceptance of her suggestion and braced himself.  
The officers gathered around the antigrav and, bending their knees,  
hooked their fingers under the unit. On the count of three, they  
lifted.  
As the weight suddenly disappeared, Jean-Luc felt a stab of pain  
down his arm that even the analgesics couldn't quell. He cried  
out but, with a Herculean effort, remained still.  
Quickly putting the antigrav aside, Selar placed a pressure cuff  
around the shoulder joint and scanned the afflicted arm.  
"There are multiple fractures in the humerus, ulna and radius.  
The shoulder is dislocated and the hand has been crushed. There  
has been extensive disruption to the nerve pathways and the blood  
vessels have been compromised. I am going to place the appendage  
in stasis prior to transport."  
Will blanched as he looked at the flattened arm. His eyes wandered  
over his Captain's body and he frowned at the pooling blood.  
"What about his other injuries?"  
"Only one of the spikes is dangerously sited. The lower lobe  
of the left lung has been pierced and blood is leaking into it.  
I will treat the injury as soon as he arrives in the surgery suite.  
If you will stand back Commander"  
Will nodded and he and Amy stood back as the four people shimmered  
in blue light and disappeared.  
Amy looked up at Will uncertainly.  
"Sirwhat am I supposed to do now? Could I go to Sick  
Bay too? I'd like to know how the Captain's doing."  
Will looked around him and came to a decision.  
"Tell you what. You get another antigrav and finish this  
jobproperly this time, clean upand when you're done  
you can come up to Sick Bay. I'll give you new orders then."  
A relieved Ensign grinned at her superior.  
"Thank you Sir."  
Will nodded then left the Cargo Bay. Amy looked around her, sighed  
and began her tasks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jean-Luc was sweating freely by the time Selar  
injected him with more painkiller.  
He closed his eyes as his uniform was cut from his body and winced  
when he was shifted to the gurney that was to take him to surgery.  
Selar came into his field of vision.  
"Captain Picard, you will be going to surgery momentarily.  
When you wake up you will be in the recovery room. I do not foresee  
any problems with your treatmenthowever your arm may take  
some time to heal completely. I cannot say now exactly how I will  
treat your armI will know more when I can examine it more  
closely."  
Jean-Luc nodded and grimaced as he tried to sigh.  
"Try to take small breaths Captain. Your left lung has been  
damaged."  
He nodded again and swallowed convulsively as he felt the gurney  
begin to move. Concentrating fiercely, he made sure his last conscious  
thought was of Beverly.

 

 

 

Having checked her notes, Beverly absently rubbed  
her stomach, trying to dispel the lingering nausea she felt. Still  
on their way, Beverly had been feeling slightly ill for some time  
and she hoped their impending arrival at the planet would alleviate  
her unsettled stomach. Deanna noticed her friend's discomfort  
and came to sit beside her.  
"Beverly are you all right? You've been rubbing your midriff  
a while now."  
"Yes I'm fine. We had a very rich dessert last night; perhaps  
it's disagreeing with me. Tell me Deanna, have you had a chance  
to review our accommodations?"  
"Not really. Other than knowing we're sharing a room, I just  
assumed it would be standard Starfleet quarters."  
Beverly frowned and sighed.  
"Well I hope we get a room with a bath. I could do with a  
long hot soak. What's our ETA?"  
"Oh, about 08.30 tomorrow, give or take an hour. You know  
how crowded the docking arrangements get when these symposiums  
set up."  
"So another twelve hours? Hmm, I think I'll do a little more  
reading then call it a night. Are you readydid you complete  
your submission?"  
"As a matter of fact I did. I'm as ready as I can be, but  
I'm not looking forward to giving my speech. I'd much rather listen  
to the others."  
"I know how you feel. I've got to give three lectures and  
I'm dreading each one. I'm really looking forward to hearing Doctor  
Adamson's address on the latest regeneration techniques. It's  
something I believe we could easily incorporate onto the ship."  
"I'll make sure I go to that one."  
Beverly sighed and closed her eyes. Stretching, she thought of  
her lover.  
"What are you doing right now?"

 

 

 

It was the beautiful red head he saw in his mind when  
consciousness returned. He lay quietly, his eyes closed, assessing  
his body. His left thigh had a tightness in it he knew to be newly  
reconstructed tissue. He gently flexed the muscle and felt the  
telltale answering twinge.  
Using his left hand, he fingered the wound on his chest and took  
a tentative breath. Again the signature tightness. His left shoulder  
rotated well and the muscles there also showed some tenderness.  
Of his right arm, he could feel nothing. From shoulder to fingertips,  
it was completely numb. He tried wriggling his fingers, but garnered  
no response. He opened his eyes and noted the subdued lighting.  
Lifting his head, he strained to look at his arm. What he saw  
made him scream in terror.  
His arm was encased in a very Borg-like prosthesis. Black and  
silver with areas of transparency, it began at his shoulder and  
snaked down his arm and terminated at his fingertips. Thick wires  
bulged up over his fingers and tubes wound themselves around his  
muscles. It was jointed at the elbow and he could see open wounds,  
the blood vessels in plain view. In horror he recoiled in the  
bed and shouted,  
"Nooooo! No! Take it off!"  
Hearing his first scream, Selar was entering his room as he began  
to claw at the prothesis with his left hand.  
"Captain Picard! Stop what you are doing or I will sedate  
you!"  
He didn't hear her. Sitting up he wrenched at the hardware and  
nearly fell off the bed. Still yelling, he slammed the arm against  
the side of the bed and raised it again for another assault when  
Selar applied a hypospray to his leg. Calling for help, she supported  
his senseless body until a nurse arrived.  
"Doctorwhat happened?"  
"I'm not certain. He was trying to remove the stasis unit."  
"But why was he so upset? Was he in pain?"  
"No. I do not know why he was so distraught. I will check  
his medical file, perhaps that will shed some light on the problem."  
Selar had just entered Beverly's office when Will poked his head  
around the door.  
"Doctor? Nurse Ogawa said the Captain's woken up."  
"Yes Commander he has."  
"How is he?"  
Selar's hesitation worried Will.  
"What is it?"  
"When the Captain regained consciousness he became veryupset."  
"Upset? Over what? Won't you let him go back to his quarters?"  
"He can return to convalesce in his quarters tomorrowthat  
is not what is bothering him."  
"Well what is it?"  
"I do not know. It appears he is unhappy with the stasis  
unit on his arm. He was trying to remove it and shouting incoherently.  
He was becoming violentI do not understand."  
"Violent? The Captain? Was it the drugsdid he have  
a head injury we didn't know about?"  
"No Commander there were no other injuries and Captain Picard  
was given no pharmaceuticals he has not had before. I fear his  
reaction was psychological not physical."  
"But why? Can I go see him?"  
"Yes, but he is unconscious."  
Will nodded and strode into his friend's room. In the soft lighting  
he gasped when he saw the equipment encasing the right arm. He  
left immediately and sought out Selar again.  
"The Borg!"  
"I beg your pardon Commander?"  
"When Captain Picard was assimilated by the Borg he had a  
prosthetic right arm. The Borg fitted him with it and it was one  
of the last things Beverly removed. It took him weeks to regain  
total control of the limb. When he woke up and saw that"  
"He must have thought he had been re-assimilated. This  
is not good Commander."  
"You're damn right it isn't. When will he wake up?"  
Selar consulted a chronograph.  
"In approximately two hours."  
"Well you'd better keep him slightly sedated while we try  
to convince him that everything's ok."  
"A wise idea Commander."

 

 

When Jean-Luc next awoke he knew immediately he was restrained.  
He heard the gently hum of the restriction field and frowned at  
its presence. He opened his eyes and was about to speak when he  
felt a hypospray empty against his neck. The effect was instantaneous.  
His body relaxed and his sharp mind dulled.  
"Captain? It's Will. Do you know where you are?"  
Jean-Luc opened his eyes and looked about. Finding his voice he  
grumbled,  
"Yes. I'm in Sick Bay."  
"Do you remember what happened?"  
After a momentary pause, he scowled.  
"Yes. The antigrav in Cargo Bay nine was"  
He suddenly stilled, his eyes opening wide.  
"My arm! The Borg!"  
He twisted his head sideways and stared at his arm. He snapped  
his eyes shut and whimpered,  
"NoGod please nonot again"  
Will stepped forward and clasped his Captain's shoulder gently.  
"Sirit's all right. There's no Borgit's a stasis  
unit that's alljust a stasis unit to help repair your arm.  
Open your eyes Captainit's all right."  
As Jean-Luc attempted to get his breathing under control, Will  
noticed as the muscles in his jaws flexing. First one eye, then  
the other cracked open and Jean-Luc snapped his head back looking  
hard at the ceiling. Still panting, he gasped,  
"Not the Borg?"  
"No SirI promise. Please"  
"Can you remove it?"  
Selar stepped forward and said softly,  
"No Captain. Your right arm was extensively damaged. The  
bones, nerves, muscles and blood vessels need intensive treatment  
if you are to regain full use of the limb. I apologise for your  
discomfort, but it is the only way."  
"Remove the restraining field and give me something to counteract  
the sedative."  
"Sir I do not think"  
"Doctor Selar I can assure you I will be fine. Remove the  
fieldplease."  
The Vulcan hesitated but capitulated when she saw the surreptitious  
nod from Will.  
"Very well Captain."  
The room was very quiet with the field silenced. Jean-Luc spoke  
again.  
"Would you allow me to sit up?"  
"Yes Sir, but please don't move the arm."  
Selar raised the head of the bed and the Captain sighed. Will  
noted he refused to look at his arm.  
"When can I be released?"  
"If all goes well; tomorrow morning. You will be off duty  
for an extended period while your arm heals. You may work from  
your quarters in four day's time. Until then you are to rest."  
"I see. Commander, ship's status?"  
"Nothing to report Sir. Everything's fine. You just"  
"I want to see that Ensign."  
"Ensign Sir?"  
"The one who caused all this mayhem."  
"Oh. Ensign Fullarton."  
"Yes, Ensign Fullarton."  
"Sir she's been up to Sick Bay several times to enquire about  
youshe feels just terrible about what happened"  
"Now Commander!"  
"Aye Sir."  
Will paged the Ensign and tried again with his furious Captain.  
"Sir she was just trying to"  
"I know what she was trying to do CommanderI bore the  
brunt of her enthusiasm remember! She does not need your excusesI  
will deal with her as I see fit! Is that understood?"  
"Yes Sir!"  
Selar left the room and noted when the frightened Ensign arrived.  
She entered the Captain's room and stood at attention.  
In an icily calm voice, Jean-Luc said,  
"You may leave Commander."  
Will cast a worried glance over the Ensign and left, but stayed  
in Sick Bay.  
Jean-Luc let the ominous silence stretch on. The Ensign's trembling  
became overt and beads of sweat appeared on her brow. In a deceptively  
quiet voice, the Captain addressed her.  
"Do you have any idea what you've done? Did you give any  
thought to the repercussions of your actions?"  
"Sir I"  
"Silence! What were you thinking when you deliberately overloaded  
the antigrav in an effort to ingratiate yourself with your commanding  
officer?"  
His deep baritone was now loud and harsh with condemnation.  
"What the hell were you thinking? You have shown yourself  
to be an incompetent fool!"  
Tears appeared in Amy's eyes and fell down her face as she stood  
rigidly before her Captain.  
"Answer me!"  
"Sir! II'm sorryso sorryII"  
"You're what? Sorry? Well that just makes everything all  
right then does it? You could have killed me Ensign! Are you sorry  
about that too?"  
"SirCaptain PicardII'm"  
"You are confined to your quarters until further notice.  
Now get out!"  
Amy turned and fled. Blinded by tears, she didn't see Will until  
she ran right into him.  
"Hey, slow down. What did he say?"  
Her breath hiccuping, she tried to answer her superior.  
"He saidhe said"  
"Take it easy, here sit down. I'll get you a glass of water."  
When the distraught Ensign had calmed somewhat, Will asked again.  
"What did he say?"  
"He yelled at me and confined me to quarters. Oh God he'll  
throw me off the ship! What have I done? I'm washed up! He'll  
see to it I'm thrown out of Starfleet! Oh God! Oh God!"  
"Stop Ensign! Stop that right now. Look Captain Picard is  
pretty angry right nowhe's not himself. Let things cool  
down and I'll talk to him. Stay in your quarters for now and I'll  
see what I can do. And Ensign? I'd appreciate it if you kept this  
to yourselfat least for now."  
"But my roommate"  
"Tell heror himif they have any questions, to  
come and see me. Ok?"  
"Yes Sir. Commander?the Captainhe will be all  
rightwon't he?"  
Will looked down and Amy and gave a wan smile.  
"Yes, of course. Now shoo, be gone."  
Amy gave a tentative smile of her own and turned to leave. But  
before her feet took her to the door, she lifted her head and  
spoke.  
"Thank you Sir."  
Will watched her go with a sigh.  
He turned, frowning as he looked at the Captain's closed door.  
"What the hell's going on?"

Jean-Luc made a fist with his left hand. Lifting  
his head, he screwed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw hard,  
grinding his teeth.  
"Not the Borgnot the Borg"  
The door annunciator broke into his mantra.  
"Yes! Who is it?", he barked.  
Will stepped hesitantly into the room.  
"It's just me Sir. Captainis there anything I can dowould  
you like me to"  
"What I would like, Commander, is to be left alone! Return  
to the Bridge. I'll expect a report from you at the end of the  
shift."  
Will straightened and lifted his chin.  
"Aye Sir."  
He left and sought out Selar. He found her reading the Captain's  
medical file.  
She looked up when Will entered and straddled a seat in the office.  
"Have you found anything Doctor?"  
"Captain Picard has an extensive file. It will take some  
time to fully scan it, but I have noticed several files that are  
closed to general viewing. They are coded for Doctor Crusher's  
purview only."  
"But that doesn't make any sense. Surely it would be detrimental  
to the Captain in the event that she wasn't here to care for him?"  
"I agree Commander. It may well be that the information we  
seek is contained in those files. I will continue to scan the  
available information and hope that I can glean some answers."  
Will nodded thoughtfully and rose from the chair.  
"Keep me posted will you? I'm ordered to return to the Bridge.  
I'll be back at shift's end."  
"Very well Commander."  
Will left and Selar continued her search of the records. She was  
interrupted a short time later by a call from the Captain.  
"Yes Sir?"  
He was standing beside his bed.  
"I want some clothing and a computer terminal."  
"I'm sorry Captain but as long as you are under my care,  
you will stay in Sick Bay attire and rest. I have already outlined  
your schedule."  
Unreasonable anger sparked within Jean-Luc and he stepped closer  
to the Vulcan physician.  
"Dammit woman do you expect me to just lie here staring at  
the ceiling? I have a ship to run."  
"Not at the moment you don't Sir. Until further notice, you  
are relieved of duty. If you fail to comply with my orders, I  
will have you sedated and confined to Sick Bay for the duration  
of your recovery."  
Said with calm determination, Jean-Luc's anger rose another notch.  
"How dare you speak to me in such a manner. You can't threaten  
me! I order you to release me!"  
"I'm sorry Sir, I cannot. Please return to you bed and try  
to rest. This amount of stress is detrimental to your health."  
Jean-Luc stood his ground and glared at the Doctor, daring her  
to make good her threat.  
"Sir I will sedate you."  
The Captain spun on his heel and swept a tray of instruments from  
the tabletop. He stood, his back to Selar, shaking with suppressed  
rage. She moved quietly behind him and gathered up the fallen  
articles.  
"Get into the bed please Captain."  
Angrily, his movements stiff with indignation, he regained the  
bed and lay rigidly, ignoring the Doctor's presence.  
"Thank you Captain. Now if you would just"  
"You're dismissed."  
Hesitating just a moment, Selar bowed her head and acquiesced.  
"Very well Captain. I will come in later to see if you require  
anything."  
He did not acknowledge her.

 

 

 

 

Amy sat on her bunk, still shaking with fear from  
the captain's outburst.  
When she'd been posted to the Enterprise, it had been the happiest  
time of her short life. She had worked exceptionally hard at the  
Academy and the Enterprise had been her goal. She decided early  
on that she would strive to excel, earning the recognition she  
hoped would lead to rapid promotion. She knew she was serving  
under the finest Captain and crewthe Enterprise was after  
all, the Flag Ship of the fleet.  
So what had she done? Completely ignored standing regulations  
about loading the antigrav and damn near killed her Captain in  
the process.  
"Oh God", she groaned. "I've had it now."  
Tears welled up and she lay on her bunk, burying her head under  
the pillow.

 

 

 

 

 

Her roommate, Ensign Mark McKee, entered the  
quarters and heard Amy's sobbing. He cautiously approached her  
and rested his hand on her shaking back.  
"Hey Amywhat's wrong?"  
She sniffed loudly and rolled over, taking the pillow off her  
face.  
"Oh God MarkI nearly killed the Captain today."  
"What?"  
"I overloaded an antigrav and he caught me and I fell and  
knocked him over and the antigrav failed and crushed his arm and  
these spikes impaled him and"  
"Waitwhoaslow down. The Captain was impaled?  
By spikes?"  
Tears started to flow again as Amy slowly nodded.  
"In three places! His leg, his chest and his shoulderand  
his right arm was completely squashed under the antigrav!"  
"Shit Amy! How the hell?Why did you overload the antigrav?"  
"Oh I just wanted to impress Commander Data! If I finished  
quickly I thought he'd order me to the Bridge. You know how much  
I've wanted to sit at Ops. Now it looks as if I'm going to be  
kicked off the ship. Captain Picard is really pissed off. He yelled  
at me and confined me to Quarters. You're supposed to direct all  
your questions to Commander Riker."  
"He yelled at you? Captain Picard yelled at you?"  
"Yep."  
"My Godhe never yells."  
"Tell me about it!"  
"So what else did Riker say?"  
Amy sighed and stood.  
"He said he'd talk to the Captain. I've had it MarkI'm  
washed up."  
Mark took her into his arms and rubbed her back.  
"Don't give up on the Commander yet Amy. He and the Captain  
are friendsthey go way back. He'll sort it out. The Captain's  
going to be ok isn't he?"  
Amy nodded into his shoulder.  
"Well there you go. Once he's recovered, he just might see  
the funny side of all this."  
Amy raised her head and sniffed.  
"There's a funny side?"  
"Of course there is! I think"  
"Well when you find it, tell me will youI could do  
with a laugh."

 

 

 

 

Beverly was near the end of her first submission.  
Her feet shifted again as sweat ran coldly down her back. She  
gripped each side of the podium until her knuckles showed white  
as her stomach lurched again.  
Bringing the dissertation to an end, she didn't wait for the applause,  
but ran straight from the stage brushing past the waiting dignitaries.  
She only just made into the cubicle of the ladies room before  
she vomited. Holding tightly to the handrail she retched piteously  
as her stomach rebelled and emptied its contents into the bowl.  
When the nausea subsided, she sat on the seat and lowered her  
pale head into her hands.  
"Definitely not something I ate!"  
She was washing her face when Deanna came in.  
"Beverly what happened? Everybody's talking about your exitwhat's  
going on?"  
"I had to hurryI was going to throw up."  
"Again? But"  
"I know, I knowit's getting worse. Come on let's go  
back to our room. I've got a medical tricorder in my case."  
"You don't want to go to the infirmary?"  
"No, not until I know more."  
The two women left and were soon at their room. Beverly quickly  
found her instrument and lost no time in scanning herself. She  
froze with the scanner at her lower abdomen.  
"Noit can't be"  
"Beverly? What is it?"  
"Hold on a minute, this must be wrong."  
She scanned herself again and shook her head.  
"Oh God."  
"Beverly!"  
"I'm pregnant."  
Deanna's hands flew to her mouth, her gasp loud in the quiet room.  
"What? How? What about your contraceptive implant?"  
Beverly used the tricorder to scan an area on the underside of  
her left forearm.  
"It's inactivemust be a dud."  
"A dud? But that can't happencan it? And what about  
Captain Picardhe has an implant doesn't he?"  
"He can't have one because of his artificial heart. It was  
decided long ago that an implant might compromise his immune system."  
"Ok, but what about yours. I can't believe they manufactureduds."  
"You'd be surprised at what can affect them. Ion radiationspatial  
rifts any one of a dozen"  
"Beverlyyour pregnant! What are you going to do?"  
The Doctor sat on her bed and shrugged her shoulders.  
"I don't know Dee, I don't know."

 

 

 

 

 

The 'morning' shift had started on the Enterprise  
and Will was on his way to Sick Bay, His report to the Captain  
the previous evening had been unpleasant as the Captain's ire  
was evident in everything he said. Having made his report, he  
was ordered from the room. In fact he was pleased to leave. He  
wasn't used to dealing with such an angry Captain.  
He strode through the doors to be confronted by a shaken Alyssa  
Ogawa.  
"Commander Rikergood morning Sir."  
"Good morning Alyssawhat's wrong?"  
The nurse looked around nervously, wringing her hands.  
"The Captainhe"  
She got no further. A sharp deep voice rang out.  
"What are you doing here Commander?"  
Will spun around to see his Captain approaching.  
"Sirgood morning. I was just coming to see"  
"Why aren't you on the Bridge?"  
"SirI came down to see you"  
"Well as you can plainly see, I'm fine."  
Will looked over his shoulder at Selar.  
"That's good Sir"  
"Yes it is. Now stop wasting valuable time and report to  
the Bridge!"  
"Sir?"  
"Now Commander!"  
"Aye Sir."  
Will turned and strode out of Sick Bay, his face burning.  
Jean-Luc turned to Selar. In the same angry tone he said,  
"I take it you're finished with me?"  
She nodded and folded her hands in front of her.  
"Yes Sir, you can be discharged to your quarters. Please  
bear in mind that your arm needs to stay as still as possible  
and you are required to rest. Also"  
"Fine. I take it you will want me to report for checkups?"  
"Yes Sir, every day."  
"Very well. If that is all?"  
She nodded and Jean-Luc turned on his heel and walked briskly  
from Sick Bay, the staff scuttling out of his way. Selar handed  
control to another Doctor and left for the Bridge.  
As she arrived at the command centre of the ship, she caught Will's  
eye and together they entered the Ready Room. Will rounded on  
the Doctor.  
"What the hell's going on?"  
"The Captain appears to be angry."  
"I can see that! Has he been like that since he woke up?"  
"He has beenadversarial all night. He did not sleep."  
"Why not? Couldn't you sedate him?"  
Selar placed her hands behind her back and tilted her head.  
"I deemed it unnecessary. He would have been against it and  
I wanted to avoid further confrontation. As long as he was left  
alone, he was all right. It was only when staff approached him  
that he became belligerent."  
Will perched on the desk and crossed his long legs. Folding his  
arms he asked,  
"Where is he now?"  
"I discharged him to his quarters."  
"Do you think he's fit to be alone?"  
"Physically yes. Emotionally, I am not so confident, however  
it seemed better to let him go than to provoke him further by  
making him stay."  
"What about his arm. Did he mention it at allmake any  
reference to it?"  
"No Sirin fact he ignored it completely. Apart from  
asking about checkups he didn't acknowledge his injuries in any  
way."  
Will shook his head and frowned deeply.  
"This doesn't make sense! Why is he so angry? Why would he  
ignore his injuries? Have you been able to unlock the files?"  
"No Sir, not yet."  
"Well keep on it Doctor. The answer is there somewhere."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jean-Luc sat on his sofa, his right arm hanging  
rigidly at his side. Still encased in the prosthesis, he couldn't  
bear to look at it. To do so invited madness. He was drinking  
neat scotch, the nearly empty bottle on the low table, the tumbler  
warm in his grasp. He closed his eyes and rested his head back  
on the cushion. His heart hammered in his chest as he tried to  
think of something calming, but his mind wouldn't let him. It  
kept whispering to him  
The Borgthe Borg  
He gripped the tumbler savagely and gasped as it shattered in  
his hand. He threw the remnants across the room and shouted,  
"NO! It's notit's notOh God no"  
He sat there sobbing as his cut hand slowly dribbled blood onto  
the carpet.

 

 

 

 

At lunchtime Will decided to try one more time to talk  
with his Captain. Handing the Bridge to Data, he wandered through  
the corridors, deliberately slowing his approach as he devoted  
more thought to the problem.  
"Ok so he wakes up and finds his arm encased in a very Borg-like  
prosthesis and gets a fright. We reassure him, but he gets angry  
and chooses to ignore his arm. We make sure he knows he hasn't  
been re-assimilated, but he's still angry. Why?"  
Before he could formulate an answer, he found himself at the Captain's  
door. With some trepidation, he pressed the door chime. The speaker  
above his head startled him as it activated.  
"Who the hell is it!?"  
"It's me SirWill Riker."  
"Get back to the Bridge!"  
"SirCaptain Picard pleaseI just want"  
The door hissed open suddenly. Will felt the anger wash over him.  
"You just want to what?"  
Will stared at his Commanding Officer in shock. He was pale, dark  
shadows accentuating his haunted eyes and he appeared to be trembling.  
As Will's eyes travelled down he noticed the dripping blood.  
"Siryour hand! Let me help you."  
As he stepped forward, he was halted by the venom in his Captain's  
words.  
"Mind your own damn business!"  
Jean-Luc left a bloodied handprint on Will's chest as he pushed  
him back out into the corridor. The door sighed shut leaving a  
confused and shocked Will staring at it in disbelief. He tapped  
his combadge.  
"Riker to Selar."  
"Selar here Commander."  
"Doctor report immediately to the Captain's quarters and  
bring a med kit."  
"Aye Sir."  
When Selar arrived Will took a moment to appraise her.  
"Doctor something's very wrong. The Captain has been injured  
but he doesn't want to see anybody. You will have to use your  
medical override to go in."  
"What is the nature of the injury?"  
"I'm not sure. All I know is that his left hand is dripping  
blood."  
"I see."  
She addressed the computer.  
"Computer open Captain Picard's door. Authorization Selar  
Omega three one."  
The door opened obediently and the two officers entered cautiously.  
In the subdued lighting, they spotted the Captain staring out  
at the viewports. The approached him slowly. It was Will who spoke.  
"Sir? Captain Picard? Doctor Selar is with meshe wants  
to see your hand."  
He turned abruptly and barked,  
"I thought I told you to mind your own business Commander!"  
"Yes Sir, but"  
"But? Are you questioning my orders?"  
Before Will could answer, Selar stepped forward and stood between  
the two men.  
"Captain Picard if it is an order you want then I am ordering  
you to submit to an examination. Commander Riker is here at my  
request. You will comply!"  
He sneered and raised his injured hand, forming a fist, then thought  
better of it. He dropped his hand to his side and muttered,  
"Very well, get on with it!"  
Selar went to him and raised his hand, scanning it. She frowned  
as she read the results.  
"These are very deep lacerations Sir. How did you acquire  
them?"  
He closed his eyes and sighed.  
"II cut it"  
Will, who had been surreptitiously looking around, noted the scotch  
bottle and the glass shards.  
"Did you break the glass Captain?"  
"Yes"  
"Is that the scotch I gave you? You said you were going to  
save it. It's nearly empty Sir."  
Jean-Luc's hard eyes fell on Will.  
"I am off duty. I hope you're not suggesting the Captain  
can't have a drink in the privacy of his own quarters?"  
"No Sir, of course not, but I would question the sense of  
drinking that much real alcohol when you've just been discharged  
from Sick Bay. It seems to me that"  
"I don't particularly care what you think Commander! I've  
already told you to mind your own"  
Selar snapped the tricorder shut, silencing the heated exchange.  
"Captain Picard I require you to accompany me to Sick Bay.  
These wounds need more care than I can adequately give here."  
He scowled at the Doctor and snarled,  
"What? Surely Doctor"  
"Now Captain."  
His face hardened into a fierce mask. He clenched his jaw and  
strode past the two officers. They had to hurry to catch up with  
him.  


The Captain was seated on a biobed, his hand under  
a regeneration field. Selar had sealed the wounds but the underlying  
nerves had been damaged. A nurse approached him and asked hesitantly,  
"Captainwould you like a cup of"  
His head snapped around and he scowled.  
"No I would not! Go about your business and leave me alone!"  
Selar heard him from across the room and walked over to him. In  
a quietly insistent voice she warned,  
"Captain Picard while you are in this facility you will treat  
the staff with respect. The nurse only wanted to help you."  
Jean-Luc glared at the Doctor but kept his voice deadly quiet.  
"I don't require any helpfrom anybody!"  
"As you wish. Just remember where you areSir."  
The Doctor left the fuming Captain and met with Will in the office.  
"God he's no betterin fact he's worse! And what's with  
the drinking? I've never known Captain Picard to resort to the  
bottleever."  
"I agree Commander. Perhaps I should ask Lieutenant Emerauld  
to talk with him?"  
"Why Emerauld?"  
"He's a qualified psychologist. It may be that he can help  
the Captain."  
Will nodded, stroking his beard.  
"Yeah maybe. God I wish Deanna and Beverly were here. They'd  
know what to do."  
"That may be the case Sir, but we have to deal with this  
ourselves. Once his hand is healed he will want to return to his  
quarters."  
"Are you going to let him?"  
"I will wait to hear from Lieutenant Emerauld."

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was fortunate indeed that Beverly was well acquainted  
with the infirmary's CMO. She sat quietly while Adam Simpson scanned  
her in the privacy of the cubicle, the only other person present,  
Deanna.  
"Well I've got to hand it to you dearyou've got one  
in the oven."  
"Oh that's just charming! Do you say that to all expectant  
mothers?"  
"No, just the old red headed ones."  
Deanna gasped then giggled as Beverly's mouth gaped.  
"OLD?"  
Adam smirked and poked her in the shoulder.  
"Yes old! What were you thinkinggetting pregnant at  
your age? I know we can work wonders medically, but really Beverly,  
don't you think you'rewellpast it?"  
"Obviously not! And anyhow it's not my fault. The implant's  
not working."  
Adam's eyebrows rose.  
"Really? Let me take it out."  
It took only moments before he was scanning the defective unit.  
"I'll be damned, you're right. It's a dud."  
Deanna sighed exasperatedly.  
"Is that a medical term?"  
Adam grinned and winked at her.  
"It probably was functioning, but so many things can upset  
them. Neutrinos, gamma radiation"  
Deanna held up her hand laughing.  
"I've already had this conversation."  
Adam gently patted Beverly's thigh and looked her in the eye.  
"Well old girlwhat do you want to do?"  
Beverly sighed and looked at her hands.  
"I'm whateight weeks?"  
"Yep."  
"Well I think this is something I should discuss with the  
father. Just give me something for the nausea for nowI'll  
be all right."  
"You sure?"  
She nodded then suddenly reached up and took hold of Adam's coat.  
"And don't call me old!"  
He laughed and leaned in for a quick kiss.  
"You going to tell me who the father is?"  
"Not on your life!"  
He chuckled and applied a hypospray to her neck.  
"There you go. I'll make available a vial of the medication  
to keep you going. It'll save you from having to come here regularly.  
You'd be amazed at how such things are noticed."  
Deanna grimaced.  
"And talked about. Beverly's already the topic of gossip  
because of her rushed exit from the hall this morning. I've been  
telling people she ate something that disagreed with her."  
Adam was packing up his equipment.  
"Good idea. Even though this instillation is on a planet,  
the grapevine is as good as any Space Station I've ever been on."  
Beverly grinned and sighed.  
"Thank God I'm not showing. Boy would that raise some eyebrows."  
The three officers laughed together.  
"Well off you go then. Good luck."  
"Thanks Adam."  
As they walked out of the infirmary, Deanna suggested a cup of  
tea. Seated at a café, the women enjoyed the hot brew.  
Deanna looked slyly over her cup.  
"Sowhen was it?"  
Beverly looked up and frowned.  
"Pardon?"  
"You knowwhen was itwhen did you conceive?"  
"Oh. Wellabout eight weeks ago."  
"Ha, ha. Very funny. You know damn well what I mean. Which  
time?"  
Beverly placed her cup in its saucer and grew wistful.  
"You know, I think it may have been the first time."  
"The first? How romantic!"  
"Oh yesreally romantic. You can keep romance when your  
head is over a toilet and you're loosing your lunch!"  
"Oh come on Beverly. Don't tell me you don't think its somehowfitting  
that you conceived his child the first time you made love? What  
do you think he'll say?"  
"God knowsthat is as long as he doesn't faint."  
"Oh go onhe'd make a wonderful father."  
"Well as it isI agree with you. I just don't know if  
he knows thatyet."  
"When will you tell him?"  
"I suppose when we get back."  
"Not before? Not over subspace?"  
"Uh uhno, I don't think that he'dappreciate that.  
This is something that requires a romantic dinnerand privacy  
Deanna. This will be stupendous news for him and I want to deliver  
it right."  
"So you want to keep it then?"  
Beverly smiled, her hand drifting down to her stomach.  
"Yesif he's willing."  
"And if he's not?"  
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."  
Deanna sighed and sat back in her seat.  
"I envy you Beverly."  
Beverly just smiled.

 

 

 

 

Lieutenant Rossen Emerauld was tall for a Bolian.  
His bald blue head was easily seen over the heads of his shorter  
crewmates. He walked with a ponderous gait, seemingly always in  
a state of contemplation. Calm and reassuring, his usual post  
was in Anthropology where he studied the new species they encountered.  
He stood in Beverly's office with Selar and Will, gently frowning  
as they briefed him.  
"So as you can see, this is a verydelicatecase.  
The Captain has an unfortunate history of being assimilated by  
the Borg and though we feel confident his present difficulties  
pertain to that event, we can't verify it as some of his medical  
files are coded."  
Rossen nodded and scrolled through the file.  
"He's been through so muchit's no wonder he's having  
problems."  
Will unfolded his arms and gestured with his hands.  
"Look Lieutenant the Captain is a remarkable man. Yes, he's  
been to hell and back, but he's always recovered. What's happening  
to him nowwell it's weird. It's as if he's not registering  
the fact that he's been injuredthat and the anger he's displayedit's  
completely out of character. Do you think you can help him?"  
Rossen gazed at the Commander and solemnly stroked his chin.  
"I can't answer that now Commander. I will talk to him. I  
will know more then. Is he here in Sick Bay?"  
Selar turned off the monitor and stood.  
"Yes. He has been having a lengthy regen treatment for a  
hand injury. He has been moved to his private room. Come with  
me, I will introduce you."  
"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather you didn't. He may  
become defensive if he views me as an adversary."  
Will muttered,  
"You'll be an adversary anyway."  
The Lieutenant nodded and smiled gently.  
"That may be so Commander, but I still want to find out for  
myself."  
Will stood back and waved his arm in a grand gesture.  
"Be my guest."  
Rossen made his way to the door and stood quietly, centring himself.  
When he felt ready, he moved forward and activated the door.  
Jean-Luc was sitting on the bed watching his hand in the blue  
light of the regen beam. His right arm, now bent slightly at the  
elbow, hung stiffly at his side. He ignored the visitor.  
"Good afternoon Captain Picard."  
Silence.  
"How is your hand progressing?"  
The Captain's head snapped up and he glared at the Lieutenant.  
His voice was harsh.  
"What do you want?"  
"I thought perhaps you might like to talk."  
Jean-Luc sneered.  
"Talk? About what?"  
"Oh I don't know. I've only been on the Enterprise a few  
months, I haven't had a chance to meet youother than your  
welcome when I first came aboard."  
"So?"  
"Well Sir how are you feeling? How is your arm today?"  
Jean-Luc sighed and closed his eyes momentarily.  
"Look Lieutenant?"  
"Emerauld, Rossen Emerauld."  
"Fine. I really don't want to talk to you or anyone else.  
I'd appreciate it if you leftnow."  
"How did you injure your arm Captain?"  
Jean-Luc's face settled into a hard mask. His eyes glittered darkly  
as he drew himself up. In a deceptively quiet voice he said,  
"Get out."  
"Captain you need"  
"Lieutenant, do you understand the chain of command?"  
Somewhat taken aback, Rossen answered his Commanding officer.  
"Yes Sir."  
"Then understand this. I'm giving you a direct order. Get  
out. Now."  
Said with such quiet, deadly intensity, the Lieutenant had no  
other choice but to leave. He went straight to the office. Will  
and Selar were waiting for him.  
"Well how did it go?"  
Rossen faced the Commander with a regretful expression.  
"Not well I'm afraid."  
"Did he yell at you?"  
Rossen's eyebrows rose in surprise.  
"No. As a matter of fact he was verycontrolled. Almost  
too controlled actually. He refused to answer any of my questions  
and ordered me to leave."  
Selar seated herself and folded her hands on her lap.  
"Then we are no further along in helping him."  
They all stilled when they heard the page.  
"Picard to Riker."  
"Riker here Sir."  
"Join me Commander."  
Still the quietly sinister voice.  
Will looked at his companions with a worried frown.  
"Aye Sir."  
He was soon stood beside the Captain's bed. The silence crept  
on as the Captain kept his attention on his healing hand. Becoming  
nervous, Will eventually broke the impasse.  
"You wanted to see me Sir?"  
Jean-Luc slowly raised his head and fixed his hard eyes on his  
friend. Still speaking quietly, he asked,  
"Who was that Lieutenant that was just here?"  
"Lieutenant Emerauld Sir?"  
"Yes, Lieutenant Emerauld."  
Will began to lightly sweat under his uniform.  
"Oh he's fromahAnthropologySir."  
"Anthropology? How fascinating. He has a degree then? Perhaps  
more than one?"  
"I suppose so Sir."  
"You suppose so? Do you know or not?"  
Will shifted his weight and straightened his top.  
"Yes Sir, I know."  
"Tell me."  
"He has two degrees Sir. One in Anthropologyand one  
in"  
"Yes Commander?"  
Will closed his eyes and swallowed.  
"And one in Psychology Sir."  
"Do tell Commander! Psychology? How interesting. Now why  
would a Lieutenant from Anthropology, with a degree in Psychology,  
whom I barely know, come into my private room in Sick Bay and  
want to strike up a meaningless conversation with me? Hmm?"  
"SirCaptain please let me"  
Jean-Luc stood abruptly and glowered at the Commander. He began  
speaking softly, but as he spoke, his voice rose.  
"If you do that to me again I'll have you relieved of duty!  
Do you understand?!"  
The last words were shouted. Will withstood his Captain's rage,  
replied with a brisk  
"Yes Sir!"  
and left the room.  
He joined Selar and Rossen in the office. Blowing out a deep breath,  
he straddled a chair and shook his head.  
"We're not to try that again. He saw right through it."  
Selar tilted her head and asked,  
"How is he now?"  
"As angry as hell. How much longer can you keep him here?"  
"He can go now. I will go and check his arm soon, other than  
that he will be free to go. His hand is healed."  
"You can't keep him here?"  
The Lieutenant spoke up.  
"That's probably not a good idea Sir. In his present state  
he would most likely react badly to an enforced stay here. Better  
to let him stew in his own quarters. At least he won't take it  
out on anyone else."  
Will ran an exasperated hand through his dark hair.  
"Captain Picard has always recoveredalways. I don't  
understand this at all. God I wish Doctor Crusher and Counsellor  
Troi were here."  
The meeting broke up and Selar went to check Jean-Luc's arm. The  
examination was uneventful, the Captain choosing to ignore both  
the Doctor and his arm. Selar was finished quickly and placed  
her instruments on the table.  
"Captain Picard I have completed the regeneration of you  
hand and your arm is doing well."  
He looked up from his contemplation of the floor, pulling the  
corners of his mouth down with distaste.  
"It's about time."  
"Captain"  
"You said you're finished?"  
"Yes Sir."  
"Then I'm leaving."  
"As you wish Sir. Please report tomorrow for"  
Her words fell on his departing back as he walked out the door.  
He stalked through the ship, staring straight ahead and not acknowledging  
his fellow crewmates as they passed.  
As the doors of his quarters closed he stood in the middle of  
the room and clenched his eyes shut, his left hand curling into  
a tight fist.  
"Oh dear Godhelp me"

 

 

 

 

Rossen Emerauld entered the lounge a very perplexed  
Bolian. He wandered to the bar and didn't look up when the bartender  
approached.  
"A Bolian ale please."  
The warm glass appeared quicker than it should have, but Rossen  
didn't notice. A warm rich voice broke into his brooding thoughts.  
"You look like someone with a problem."  
He looked up, startled.  
"What?"  
"I said, you look like someone with a problem."  
"Oh. Well yesI suppose I am."  
"Would you like to talk about it?"  
Rossen was about to shake his head when he looked into the deepest  
brown eyes he'd ever seen. Mesmerised, he shrugged instead.  
"I'm sorrydo I know you?"  
The bartender smiled enigmatically and wiped the already spotless  
bar with her cloth.  
"I'm Guinan. This is my bar."  
"Ah I see. Well Guinan I can't really talk about my problem  
you see, so"  
"You'd be surprised howliberatingit can be."  
Rossen smiled indulgently and shook his head.  
"No really, it has to do with patient confidentiality."  
"Ok, then don't use namesbe vague."  
The Bolian regarded the dark skinned woman in the ridiculous yellow  
hat and sighed.  
"Let's just say, I find Humans to be veryperplexing."  
"All Humans?"  
"Well, no. One in particular."  
"I see, and has this particular Human caused you problems?"  
"Not me exactly."  
He sighed expansively and decided to end the sparring.  
" Look, he's a very high ranking officer aboard this ship  
and he needs helpmore help than I've been trained to give  
him. I don't know whether it's because I'm a Bolian, or because  
he's so strong willed, the fact is he's in a lot of trouble and  
needs help."  
Guinan tilted her head and grasped his hand  
"I'm sure you did what you could."  
"Perhaps, but it wasn't enough."

 

 

 

 

Ensign Amy Fullarton wasn't having a very good day.  
Released from her quarters with Will's blessing, she was endeavouring  
to show Lieutenant Commander Geordie LaForge she knew how to vent  
the lateral plasma conduits. Becoming more and more flustered,  
she twice hit the wrong command before groaning in frustration  
as she locked out the controls all together.  
"Hey! Whoa theretake it easy. Here, let me set it up  
for you again."  
"It's no use Commander, I'm hopeless."  
Data arrived and stood quietly out of sight as he listened to  
the two officers.  
"It's ok Ensign. Look these controls can be pretty daunting  
at first. Just take your time and concentrate. You can do it."  
Amy took a deep breath and placed her hands on the console. She  
tried to muster her concentration but the feelings of inadequacy  
welled.  
"It's no use, I'm washed up anyway!"  
Tears trailed down her face as she turned to flee Engineering,  
only to run into Data. She bounced off him and ricocheted down  
the corridor her blurry eyes hindering her escape. When she disappeared  
around the corner, Geordie whistled his dismay.  
"Phew Datawhat's gotten into her? She was in the top  
of her class and she's been doing just great since she came aboard.  
What's going on?"  
Data rested his golden eyes upon his best friend.  
"Ever since the accident involving Captain Picard, Ensign  
Fullarton's performance has been falling below regulation standards.  
If she does not improve soon, she will face a reprimand."  
"She was there, wasn't sheat the accident?"  
"Actually, I believe she caused the accident."  
"And didn't the Captain punish her?"  
"Yes. He upbraided her thoroughly and confined her to quarters."  
"Which Commander Riker countermanded."  
"Yes."  
"Well something's going on. Have you ever known Commander  
Riker to countermand one of the Captain's orders?"  
"No Geordie."  
"Neither have I. Do you know what the Captain said to her?"  
"No I do not."  
Geordie looked down the corridor where Amy had fled.  
"Well I think it's time I had a little chat to Commander  
Riker, don't you?"  
Data pulled his mouth down and raised his eyebrows. Tilting his  
head he said guilelessly,  
"I do not know."

 

 

 

 

 

Will was at the bar in the lounge when Geordie came  
in at shift's end. He sauntered up to the Commander, ordered a  
drink and leaned his elbows on the bar.  
"Commander, we need to talk."  
Will took a long draught of his ale, swallowed and turned his  
head. He looked at Geordie, nodded and pointed to an empty table,  
privately situated near the viewports.  
The two friends seated themselves and drank quietly for a time.  
Geordie put his stein down and addressed his friend.  
"Commander I have a problem."  
"With what?"  
"Not whatwho."  
"Ok, who then?"  
"Ensign Fullarton."  
Will lowered his head and ran a hand through his hair.  
"Oh hell."  
"What's going on Sir? She's gone from being a very competent,  
able officer to a teary, flustered parody of her former self."  
Will sat back in his chair and crossed his legs.  
"Let's just sayshe had the stuffing knocked out of  
her."  
"Is it true that Captain Picard confined her to quarters?"  
"Yes."  
"And yet she's back on duty."  
"Yes."  
"Did the Captain change his mind?"  
"No."  
Geordie raised his palms and shrugged his shoulders.  
"Well?"  
"I countermanded the order."  
"I see. Does the Captain know?"  
Will shook his head.  
"Why?"  
"Look Geordieyou know the Captain was injured in the  
accident."  
"Uh huh."  
"Well he's not been quitehimself. He's off duty for  
a while and he's really pissed off about it. He's got a fewissuesto  
deal with right nowhe's not really thinking all that clearly.  
I released Ensign Fullarton because she'd been punished enough.  
I'll wear Captain Picard's objections later. Right now I just  
want the ship to run smoothly."  
" Ok I hear you, but Commander somebody better speak to Amy,  
she needs to hear something good about herselfand soon."  
Will sighed and watched as Geordie left the bar. He wasn't alone  
long.  
"Mind if I join you?"  
"Guinan! Not at all, have a seat."  
The bartender settled herself in the chair, placed her hands on  
the table and laced her fingers.  
"What's happening with Picard?"  
Will stared at the woman, his eyebrows raised.  
"He's off duty for now. Perhaps you could"  
"No. Tell mewhat's wrong?"  
"Guinan"  
"Riker look, you know Picard and I have a relationshipwell  
let's just say it's deep. I know something's wrong and I'm asking  
you to tell me what it is."  
Will stared at her hands then brought his own hands onto the table.  
"The Captain was injured recently and, as a result, has a  
very Borg-like prosthesis on his right arm. He hasn't reacted  
to it very well and we've failed to help him. Everything we tried  
only made him angry. Anger is all he seems to be capable of at  
the moment."  
"Anger? Anything else?"  
"He damn near polished off a bottle of vintage scotch."  
"Anger and drinking?"  
"Uh huh. He also chewed out the Ensign who was responsible  
for the accident and I mean really chewed her out. She hasn't  
recovered yet, the performance of her duties has been terrible  
and she's in danger of washing up. This from one of our brightest  
recruits."  
"Very un-Picard like."  
"You bet. If something's not done soonwell let's just  
say something will have to give. He can't keep this up."  
Guinan nodded and drew her hands back.  
"I will talk to him."  
Will looked up and grimaced.  
"Good luck!"

 

 

 

 

Beverly lay on her bed idly drawing patterns on  
her stomach. Deanna wandered over and sat on the bed.  
"Eight weeks? Why didn't you ask what sex it is?"  
"Because I don't want to know."  
"Why?"  
"Oh I don't knowmaybe I just love the mystery."  
"Do you think Captain Picard will want to know?"  
Beverly shrugged.  
"I haven't a clue."  
"What would you prefer, a boy or a girl?"  
Beverly chuckled and playfully bit one of her fingernails.  
"I don't care, as long as it's healthy."  
"Ok thenwhat about names?"  
"Hmm. That's something I'd need to discuss with Jean-Luc."  
"Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't been thinking about  
it?"  
Beverly frowned and flicked her hand at her friend.  
"Of course I have! But I still think it's something between  
the two of us."  
"Don't you mean three? Are you going to contact Wesley?"  
"Only after I've spoken to Jean-Luc. I'd prefer it if we  
both told him the news."  
Deanna took Beverly's hand and said softly,  
"How do you think he'll take it?"  
Beverly sighed softly and studied their joined hands.  
"I don't know. He's twenty two now, I don't know what he'll  
think of a baby brother or sister."  
"Well look on the positive side. Maybe he'll be delighted."  
Beverly sighed again.  
"That's if we can find him. All I can do is contact Tau Alpha  
C and hope for the best. Who knows where he is now?"  
"The Captain will track him down I bet."  
Beverly smiled sadly.  
"I hope so."  
"How long has it been since you heard from him?"  
"Almost a year."  
"That long? That must hurt."  
Beverly sat up and pushed her hair back.  
"Yes it does but I try and not dwell on it. Jean-Luc helps."  
"I bet he does."  
That earned a pillow to the shoulder.  
"Now you stop that. I've got to give myself a dose of anti-nausea,  
then what say we take a stroll to the canteen? I don't know about  
you, but I'm hungry."  
"Ok. Lets hope they've got a new menu."  
The two women left the rooms, their laughter hanging in the air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guinan waited patiently outside the Captain's door.  
She had pressed the chime three times and was wondering when he  
would acknowledge her presence. Suddenly the overhead speaker  
burst into life.  
"Who the hell is it and what do you want!"  
"It's Guinan."  
There was a lengthy pause before the doors parted and she was  
confronted by the Captain.  
"GuinanI really don't want"  
"I know. We have to talk."  
She stepped forward, but Jean-Luc held his ground.  
"No Guinan, I don't think so."  
She looked up at him, taking in his distressed appearance and  
the prosthesis on his arm.  
"Come on Picardit's me, let me in."  
He shook his head, pulling his mouth down.  
"I'd rather be alone right now."  
"Picard"  
"Really Guinan, I'm fineI just want some time on my  
own. I've got a few things to sort out, so if you'll"  
"Jean-Luc"  
His voice growing harsh, he snapped,  
"Guinan please! Just go."  
She blinked at him, feeling the anger wash over her. Stepping  
back, she hid her hands in her sleeves and lowered her head.  
"As you wish, but if you need"  
'I'll be sure to call you. Goodnight."  
He stepped back and the doors whispered shut. Guinan stared at  
them a moment before slowly walking off down the corridor to the  
turbolift, lost in deep thought.

 

 

 

 

 

Jean-Luc sat on his sofa, his eyes beginning to  
droop. It had been four days since the accident and he'd not slept,  
in fact he avoided sleep, fearing the nightmares he knew would  
come.  
He breathed deeply through his nose and let his head fall back  
on the cushion. Again his eyes sagged and he let them drop. He  
registered the slip into sleep, but could do nothing to stop it.

 

 

 

 

His own scream woke him. Tears and sweat trickled down his  
face as he struggled to get his breath. Vestiges of the intense  
agony he'd experienced skittered through his tortured mind as  
images of the Borg drones and the unspeakable things they'd done  
to him clouded his vision.  
"Noplease God no"  
He lurched to his feet and staggered into his bedroom. Pausing  
at the door, he gripped the frame and tried to focus on the bathroom,  
too far across the room. He stepped forward and collapsed onto  
the floor.  
Pulling himself to his knees, he crawled to the foot of his bed,  
turned around and sat, drawing his legs up. He wrapped his left  
arm around his legs and started to gently rock back and forth.  
Softlyvery softly, he whispered as his body trembled,  
"Not the Borgnot the Borg"

 

 

 

 

Will Riker stepped briskly along the corridors,  
intent on his present mission. He reached Ensign Fullarton's quarters  
and stopped only long enough to tug down his uniform. Pressing  
the annunciator, he waited to be granted entry.  
The doors whispered open and Ensign McKee gaped.  
"Commander RikerSir!"  
Will sighed and nodded.  
"Ensign."  
"Err, what can I do for you, Sir?"  
"Actually I'm here to see Ensign Fullarton and I'd appreciate  
a little privacy."  
Mark nodded but didn't move.  
Will sighed again.  
"So if you've got something else to dosomewhere to  
go?"  
"Oh! Yes, rightI'll go then."  
Will stepped aside and allowed Mark to leave. He then stepped  
into the cabin. Amy was sitting on her bed and sprang to her feet  
when she spotted her superior.  
"Sir!"  
"At ease Ensign."  
"Yes Sir!"  
Will shook his head a grinned.  
"No I mean it, sit down. I'm here to talk to you as much  
as a friend as your Commanding Officer. Why don't we have something  
to drink? Do you like coffee?"  
Amy swallowed and sat gingerly on the edge of her bed. Clasping  
her hands nervously on her lap, she nodded at Will.  
"Yes Sir, I like coffee. Markthat is Ensign McKee says  
I drink too much, but it helps me to study, you know?"  
"Oh I know. I must've drunk litres of the stuff in my youth  
and even now I'm not above a cup or two during night watch."  
Will grabbed a chair, turned it around and straddled it. He blew  
on his hot drink and gathered his thoughts.  
"Commander LaForge came to see me last nightabout you."  
Amy bowed her head, her shoulders slumping.  
"Oh."  
"Amy you mustn't let what the Captain said get at you. He  
didn't mean itnot really. I've known him for a very long  
time and I can assure you he would never castigate someone as  
he did you. He's notwell let's just say he's not himself  
and leave it at that."  
Amy shook her head.  
"But it's true! I am an incompetent fool. If only I hadn't  
overloaded that antigrav"  
"Stop. We can all say 'if only'. It happened and you have  
to deal with the consequences, yes, but you don't have to beat  
yourself up over it. It's done, over, finished with. Let it go."  
Amy looked up and tilted her head.  
"The Captain's sick isn't he?"  
"Let's just say he could be better."  
"And I'm to blame."  
"Amy"  
"No Sir. Whatever's wrong with Captain Picardit's because  
of me. I can't feel any better about all this until he recovers."  
"Amy if your performance continues to slide, you'll be issued  
with a formal reprimand. Do you want that?"  
She shook her head sadly.  
"Then get with it! Amy it's within you to rectify this episode.  
You're not dependant on the Captain for anything other than leadership.  
If he knew you were doing this to yourself he would be mortified!  
If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for him, because he  
can't help you right now. If he means that much to you"  
Amy blushed and lowered her eyes.  
"You know Commanderhalf the female Ensigns on the ship  
have a crush on himand some of the men. He means the world  
to me."  
Will cleared his throat uncomfortably and sipped his cooling drink.  
"Ok granted, although I don't think we better tell the Captain  
that little snippet. Look just try, that's all I'm asking."  
Amy looked up at Will and managed a wan smile.  
"Ok I'll try."  
"Good!"  
Will stood, returned the chair to its rightful place and stood  
tall in the small room.  
"Well I'll be going. I expect to hear better reports from  
now on."  
"Aye Sir."  
After Will left Mark returned and poked his head around the door.  
"Is he gone?"  
"Yes."  
"What did he say?"  
"Oh you knowthe usual pep talk, nothing new."  
"Did it help?"  
Amy slumped onto the bed, picked up her pillow and hugged it.  
"Not really. He doesn't understand. Until the Captain recovers,  
I'm under the cloud. I can't function MarkGod what the hell  
am I going to do? They'll be looking even more closely at me now.  
Shit! How did I get myself into this ungodly mess?"  
Tears came then prompting Mark to take her into his arms.  
It'll work itself out Amy, just hold on."

 

 

 

 

 

The next day, when Captain Picard was an hour  
late for his check up, Selar asked the computer where he was.  
"Captain Picard is in his quarters."  
Selar processed that information.  
"Is he alone?"  
"Yes."  
"Is he asleep?"  
"That information is inconclusive."  
Allowing a rare frown, Selar picked up a med kit and left Sick  
Bay, headed to the  
Captain's domain.  
Her first press of the doorbell went unanswered as did the second  
and third. Using her medical override, she entered the cabin to  
find nothing amiss. She called to the Captain but received no  
response. She moved to the closed bedroom door and it opened to  
her. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she made out his huddled  
form at the foot of his bed.  
"Captain! Captain Picard"  
She knelt beside him and scanned him with a tricorder. Her next  
action was to summon Will.  
He came with alacrity, arriving slightly out of breath. He entered  
Jean-Luc's quarters and soon found Selar kneeling beside the unresponsive  
Captain.  
"What is it? What's wrong with him?"  
"He appears to have entered a state of catatonia, not responding  
to any stimuli.  
"How long has he been like this?"  
"Judging by the fact he has voided his bladder several times,  
my estimate would be fourteen hours at least."  
"Can you help himcan you retrieve him?"  
"I do not know Commander. With so many of his files coded,  
I am working in the dark. We need Doctor Crusher and Counsellor  
Troi herenow."  
"Well let's get him moved to Sick Bay and I'll set about  
ordering the ship to Targus III. I'll send a subspace message  
warning them to be ready to beam aboard as soon as we arrive.  
"Very good Commander."

 

 

 

Beverly and Deanna were seated in a large semi-circular  
auditorium listening avidly to a lecture about new regeneration  
techniques when Beverly's combadge beeped. She tapped it and quietly  
gave her acknowledgement before nudging Deanna and nodding to  
the exit.  
When the two women were out in the foyer, Beverly tapped her combadge  
again and waited.  
"Doctor Crusher I have a message for you from the Enterprise."  
"Go ahead."  
"One moment please."  
Deanna giggled and poked Beverly in the ribs.  
"They probably can't find something."  
"Doctor Crusher? I have it now. Commander Riker reports the  
Enterprise will enter orbit in seven hours. Please be ready to  
beam aboard immediately upon their arrival."  
"Is that all? Did he give a reason?"  
"No Doctor."  
"Ok thank you, Crusher out."  
Deanna's face creased in a frown.  
"Weren't they supposed to be mapping?"  
"Something's wrong. Why didn't Jean-Luc send the message?"  
The two officers looked at each other and the tension went up  
another notch.  
"Come on Deanna we have to pack."

 

 

 

 

Jean-Luc lay limply on the biobed, his lean body connected  
to several monitors. Two nurses and Doctor Selar hovered about  
him, alternatively watching the terminals and casting their eyes  
over his inert frame.  
Will watched from the door, his broad shoulders sagging. Having  
finished connecting the Captain to a bio waste unit, Selar joined  
Will at the door.  
"Any change?"  
"No Commander he is completely unresponsive."  
Will ran his hand through his hair.  
"What is it? Howwhat has caused this?"  
"I have insufficient data to formulate a diagnosis, but if  
I were to postulateI would say his psyche has reached a  
point where he can no longer cope. I would hazard he hasclosed  
down."  
"Ok, I can understand that, but what did it to him. What  
was so great that it overwhelmed his mind for God's sake?"  
Selar cast a lingering look at the stricken man.  
"I do not know Commander."  
"Is there any brain activity?"  
"Yes. There is a surfeit of activity from the parietal lobe.  
He is processing information at a phenomenal rate. My opinion  
is that he is experiencing a form of dreaming."  
Will stepped up to his Captain and looked down at him.  
"Well I hope they're pleasant dreamsthe alternative  
is too deplorable to contemplate."  
"I agree Commander. To be trapped, unable to waken and to  
be at the vagaries of an unending nightmareit would beunfortunate."  
Will eyed the Vulcan physician and swallowed. His eyes lowered  
as he contemplated the horror Selar had just outlined.  
The Doctor, keeping her vision locked on the Captain, said softly,  
"When do we retrieve Doctor Crusher and the Counsellor?"  
"About five hours more. Is there anything you can give him?  
Something to stop the dreaming?"  
"Neural inducers would suppress dreams but until I know more  
about his condition"  
"Do it! For God's sakedon't allow him to suffer."  
Selar hesitated only a moment then she went and got the inducers.  
Placing them on Jean-Luc's temples, she activated them and watched  
the monitors as the activity of his brain quietened.  
"It is done Commander."  
"Thank you Doctor, I'll be on the Bridge. Call me if there's  
any change."  
"Aye Sir."  
Will left and Selar took up a tricorder. Scanning the prosthesis  
on Jean-Luc's right arm, she noted the rate of healing and, after  
taking some measurements, bent the elbow joint until it was at  
a right angle. She then bent each finger and tightened the wires  
adjoining them. She called the duty nurse over and scheduled surgery  
for the Captain for the following morning. His arm was doing well;  
it was time to close some of the wounds within the unit.

 

 

 

 

Beverly and Deanna were in their room when the  
call came through from the Enterprise. They beamed aboard and  
met with Will in the Transporter Room.  
"Beverly, Deannaam I glad"  
Beverly stepped from the platform and stood before the tall man.  
"What is it Will?"  
"It's the Captainhe'swell he's"  
"He's what!"  
"Selar says he's catatonic. He's in Sick Bay and he's not  
responding to anything."  
Deanna gripped Beverly's arm and spoke.  
"What happened?"  
"We're not sure. He was involved in an accident a few days  
ago and he's been going downhill ever since. Apart from other  
things, his right arm was crushed. When he awoke from surgery  
he was very upset with the prosthesis that Selar put on his arm.  
I think he thought he'd been  
"re-assimilated! Oh God."  
Deanna looked at her friends and shook her head.  
"But surely he would have knowndidn't you tell him?"  
Will nodded.  
"Of course we did. Selar even sedated him but he just got  
angry. In fact anger was all he was capable of."  
Beverly pinched the bridge of her nose and made for the door.  
"Come on, we can talk on the way to Sick Bay."  
The three officers walked briskly, each gesturing with their hands.  
"So let me get this straight. He's in an accident and is  
injured. He has surgery and wakes up with prosthesis on his arm  
and mistakes it for a Borg unit. He reacts badly and becomes angry.  
How am I doing?"  
Will nodded.  
"That's about it. Every time we tried to approach him, he  
just got angrier. We tried a psychologist, but he"  
Deanna gasped and shook her head.  
"Oh bad move Will. He wouldn't like that under any circumstances."  
Beverly asked,  
"Who did you use?"  
"AhA Lieutenant Emerauld from Anthropology."  
"Male or female?"  
"Male."  
"Hmm. Did he make it out alive?"  
"Actually the Captain was verycontrolled. Uncooperative,  
but not belligerent."  
"Lucky Lieutenant!"  
They arrived at Sick Bay and entered. Selar saw them and ushered  
them into the Captain's room.  
Beverly scrutinised the readouts as her friends stood back and  
watched.  
"How long has he been like this?"  
"He has been in Sick Bay approximately ten hours. I estimate  
he was in this state for a further fourteen hours in his quarters."  
"What? Why so long?"  
"We did not know Doctor. He had been discharged to his quarters  
and when he did not arrive for his scheduled check up the next  
day, I went to see him. I found him on the floor in his bedroom  
and estimated the amount of time by the quantity of urine on the  
floor."  
"Was there any warning? Did he show any signsanything  
at all that might have signalled this?"  
"No Doctor. Apart from his belligerence and his healing injuries,  
he was in good condition."  
Beverly touched the back of her hand to Jean-Luc's cheek and sighed.  
Before she could ask any more questions, Selar interrupted her.  
"Doctor why are some of Captain Picard's records coded? It  
made treating him very difficult."  
Beverly's head snapped up and, what started as a glare of defiance,  
settled into a grimace of contrition.  
"Come into the officeWill, you and Deanna better come  
too."

 

 

 

 

 

Data had immeasurable patience. His emotion chip  
allowed him the luxury of being able to immerse himself in the  
surrounding eddies and swirls as the feelings of his crewmates  
flowed around him. His golden eyes never moved as they watched  
Ensign Fullarton try to calibrate the aft sensor grid. A sheen  
of sweat glistened on her face as she frowned and shook her head.  
"It's no use CommanderI just can't do it!"  
He stepped closer and put what he hoped was an encouraging look  
on his face.  
"This is a simulation Ensign. There is no pressure on you.  
I am aware that you have been under some duress, but I think this  
is a simple test you should be able to complete. Please try again."  
Amy gritted her teeth and glared at the console, trying by force  
of will to bring to mind the elusive sequence. She stabbed her  
finger at the console and groaned as the lights flashed redagain.  
In frustration, she slammed her fists down on the glossy surface  
and kicked the pedestal.  
"Dammit!"  
Data was fascinated by her display, but kept that to himself.  
He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and spoke quietly.  
"Ensign"  
"NO! It's no useI'm hopeless! You might as well write  
me off."  
She shrugged out of his contact and fled the area leaving Data  
perplexed and worried. He thought about following her, but then  
decided to find Geordie to discuss the matter.  
He found his friend in Engineering.  
"Hiya Datawhat's cooking?"  
Data frowned and looked about him.  
"Cooking Geordie? I do not think"  
"Come on Data, what's cooking? What are you doing?"  
"Ah. I have just come from a very unproductive session with  
Ensign Fullarton."  
"It didn't go well?"  
"No. She displayed a level of ineptitude I have not witnessed  
in an Enterprise crewmember before. Had I not seen it, I would  
not have believed it."  
"That bad eh?"  
"Yes."  
"What task did you set?"  
"A simple re-calibration of the aft sensor array."  
"During battle?"  
"No Geordie, in the Space Dock."  
"And she failed?"  
"Yesmiserably."  
Geordie spun his chair around and checked some instruments while  
thinking.  
"How much more time can we give her?"  
"She has a rotation coming up on the Bridge, then Astrophysics.  
If her performance is as bad in those she will have failed across  
the board."  
"We can't let that happen Data, she's too good for that."  
"I agree with you Geordie, but I do not know how to help  
her."  
"Hmm. Leave it with me, I'll think on it and see what I can  
come up with."  


 

 

 

 

 

 

Beverly, Will, Deanna and Selar made themselves  
comfortable in the office as Beverly brought up the Captain's  
medical file. Entering a sequence of symbols, the coded files  
unlocked and presented themselves on the screen. Beverly turned  
the monitor so the others could see.  
"During Captain Picard's recovery from his assimilation he  
had great trouble coming to terms with several things.  
The assimilation itself was excruciatingly painful and protracted.  
He could do nothing but endure what they did to himhe didn't  
even have the luxury of screaming. Then they raped him, body and  
mind. They took all his knowledge and used it to destroy the fleet  
at Wolf 359 with the accompanying loss of eleven thousand lives.  
He had to learn to live with that if he was ever going to recover.  
Being the man he is, he recognised it, studied it then put it  
away in his mind. At first he was plagued with debilitating nightmaresso  
bad that I had to sedate him several times. Sometimes these nightmares  
would occur when he was conscious. He would see Borg in the shadows  
of his roomre-visit the carnage of Wolf 359see comrades  
he'd known for years killed, or worseassimilated.  
He re-lived his own assimilationI'll never forget his screamsthey  
chilled me to the bone, but gradually, over time, he came out  
of it and regained himself. With Deanna's help he was able to  
understand he was not to blame and, bit-by-bit, we got him back.  
I coded those areas of his record that dealt with that recovery  
because if Starfleet Command ever found out they may have taken  
his Captaincy and declared him as unfit to Command. I believe  
that those memories have re-surfaced and, without Deanna or me  
to help him, have run amok in his mind until he couldn't cope  
any more and suffered an overload. He shut down."  
Will stroked his beard and muttered,  
"We found that he was dreaming so I asked Selar to stop it.  
Was that right?"  
Beverly perched on the desk and nodded.  
"Yes. He would've been trapped in an unending nightmare.  
You did the right thing."  
Will looked Beverly in the eye.  
"What do we do now? How do we bring him out of it?"  
"He has experienced short episodes of catatonia before as  
a result of particularly bad nightmares. I administered a psychotropic  
drug and, with Deanna's help, reached him on a subconscious level,  
but for that to work he has to be rid of that prosthesis on his  
arm. That was the trigger and as long as it's there he will regress  
into his memories. Selar?"  
"I would envisage a further ten days before it can be removed.  
He is scheduled for surgery tomorrow, but I do not foresee any  
complications."  
Beverly nodded and tucked some hair behind her ear.  
Will had one more question.  
"Beverly why was he so angry?"  
She sighed and stood to pace around the room.  
"As you know, the Captain prides himself on his control.  
His ability to remain cool in any crisis is one of the cornerstones  
of his Command. Most probably he was dismayed at his lapse when  
he first discovered the prosthesis and that made him angry and  
that anger represented a loss of control. Every time he displayed  
anger, he lost control and it fed upon itself, getting worse with  
each episode. He was gradually losing himself and could do nothing  
about it."  
Will gave her a frank look.  
"He drank a bottle of vintage scotch."  
"Will he was suffering. What would you have done?"  
Will nodded and sighed.  
"Fair enough. I just wish he'd have come to us. Maybe"  
"No Will. This is something only Deanna and I can deal with.  
We know him and we know what to do, but we must wait. Now is not  
the time."  
"Will it do him any harm to wait?"  
"No I don't think so. As long as the neural inducers prevent  
dreaming, he should be fine. We'll feed him intravenously and  
take care of all his needs. He'll be fine."  
"And in the long term?"  
"He'll recover Willwith time and a lot of TLC, but  
I have to ask you all to keep what you've heard here today confidential.  
His Captaincy will be unaffected once he's recoveredI believe  
he deserves that, don't you?"  
The officers looked at themselves and came to a mutual decision.  
Nodding in unison, Beverly brought the meeting to a close.  
"What time is the surgery tomorrow?"  
Selar answered.  
"0800."  
"I'll be there."

 

 

 

 

 

Beverly awoke the next morning with a pounding  
headache and a queasy stomach. She showered, dressed then administered  
a dose of the anti-emetic Adam had given her. She sat a moment,  
waiting for the medicine to work and was surprised when the headache  
remained. Not bothering with breakfast, she left her quarters  
and headed for Sick Bay. She arrived just as the nurses were preparing  
Jean-Luc for surgery.  
"Selar have you got a minute?"  
"Yes Doctor."  
"What are you going to do today?"  
"I intend to close the open wounds, fuse the breaks in the  
long bones and make sure the nerve pathways to the digits are  
unimpeded."  
"Ok, good. Will you use the same prosthesis?"  
"Yes. It will be at least another four days before I can  
use a smaller one. The wrist and hand have been extensively damaged.  
Did you read the report last night?"  
"Yes I did. He was lucky with those spikeshas he shown  
any sign of lung impairment?"  
"None Doctor."  
"Good. Well I'll see you in the surgery suite, I've got one  
or two things to do here first."  
"Very well Doctor. After this surgery, I take it you will  
take over the case?"  
"If you don't mind."  
"Not at all."  
Selar went to prepare and Beverly went to the drug station and  
selected a vial of analgesic. Loading a hypospray, she injected  
herself in the privacy of her office, and was irritated when the  
headache only abated slightly. She had no more time to ponder  
this, as she had to get ready for the surgery.  
In all it took three hours to do the work Selar had outlined.  
As the two Doctors watched the nursing staff settle the Captain  
in the recovery room, Beverly found herself rubbing her temples.  
Selar noticed and gestured for them to leave the room.  
"Doctor Crusher are you in pain? I noticed several times  
during the surgery, you touched your head."  
"Oh it's just a stubborn headache, nothing to worry about."  
"Have you had anything for it?"  
"Yes, before the surgery."  
"And it's still there?"  
Beverly nodded then winced as her head pounded.  
"Doctor Crusher"  
"I know! Look Selar"  
Beverly looked around and found herself within earshot of several  
people.  
"Come into the office will you?"  
When the two women were seated, Beverly took a large breath.  
"What I'm about to tell you must be kept in the strictest  
confidence."  
"I understand."  
"I'm pregnant."  
"I see. How far?"  
"Eight weeks."  
"Have you had a scan?"  
Beverly sighed and shook her head.  
"Not officially. I had the pregnancy confirmed and an anti-emetic  
prescribed for nausea."  
"Then I propose you have a full scan done and the headache  
investigated."  
Beverly sighed again, bending to the inevitable.  
"Agreed."  
"I will do a preliminary scan now, here in the office, but  
you must return at a later time to do a full workup."  
Beverly nodded and waited patiently while Selar retrieved a tricorder  
and scanned her.  
"You have elevated blood pressure. It is dangerously high.  
I will administer a counter measure."  
Beverly shook her head and huffed.  
"It must be stress."  
Selar looked up and tilted her head.  
"We will see."  
Beverly pulled her hair out of the way and waited as Selar loaded  
the hypospray. The characteristic hiss made Beverly sigh.  
"This analgesic should relieve you of pain"  
The hypospray was used again and Beverly was delighted to feel  
the throbbing ebb away.  
"The foetus is healthydo you want to know the sex?"  
"No thank you."  
"When you come back for the workup, I will create a database  
of both you and the father. May I ask?  
Beverly stared frankly at her fellow medic, debating whether or  
not to be forthcoming with the information she sought. Eventually  
she erred on the side of safety, correctly choosing the right  
thing for her unborn child.  
"Captain Picard."  
"I see. The database will be complete within the time it  
takes for your complete check up. When can we do it?"  
"Well I'd appreciate some privacyhow about 1000 tonight?  
I can order the night staff out for a while, it shouldn't be a  
problem."  
"Very well Doctor I will have everything ready. Will you  
stay on duty?"  
"Yes I think so, as long as I'm fit and able."  
"As you wish Doctor, but I do want to check you blood pressure  
frequently."  
"Just as long as we keep it quiet, ok?"  
"Yes Doctor. And Doctor Crusher? Congratulations."  
Beverly smiled, her hand drifting down to gently rub her abdomen.

 

 

 

 

Later that night Beverly wandered into the  
nearly deserted Sick Bay and went into Jean-Luc's room. The gentle  
hum of the medical machinery he was connected to re-assured her  
and she stood beside him watching his chest rise and fall. Her  
fingers trailed down his left arm and lingered at his hand.  
"Oh Jean-Lucmy lovewhere are you?"  
He lay quietly inert, the blinking lights of the neural inducers  
casting shadows across his gaunt face. Dressed only in Pyjama  
bottoms, the softly curling grey hair of his chest moved with  
his exhalations mesmerising his watching lover. Her hand lifted,  
poised to caress him when a soft clearing of a throat came from  
the doorway.  
Startled, Beverly spun around to find Selar framed in the light.  
"Oh Selaryou gave me a fright."  
"I apologise if I startled you Doctor, it was not my intention."  
"That's all right, I was daydreaming anyway. Are you ready  
for me?"  
"Yes Doctor."  
Beverly left Jean-Luc and joined Selar in the main body of Sick  
Bay. She sat on a biobed and swung her legs up, making herself  
comfortable as Selar positioned the monitors.  
"I will scan the foetus and the surrounding environment first.  
Do you wish to watch?"  
"Yes I would."  
Selar nodded and passed the transducer over Beverly's abdomen,  
occasionally stopping and measuring different aspects of Beverly's  
uterus.  
Watching intently. Beverly gasped as she saw her child for the  
first time.  
"Well hello there."  
Selar widened the scan and cautioned the euphoric Doctor.  
"Your blood pressure is still elevated, although not as bad  
as this morning. Has the headache abated?"  
"It came back this evening but it's not as bad. Like I saidprobably  
stress."  
Selar changed the transducer for a tricorder.  
"I do not think so. You major blood vessels show a hardening  
of their walls. Have you had hypertension in the past?"  
"No."  
"I will take some blood for analysis."  
It took but a moment for the blood extraction and Beverly began  
to feel concerned.  
"Is the baby affected?"  
"No Doctor."  
"Well what's causing it?"  
"That is unknown at this time. I will know more when I perform  
further tests. Until then, I will administer a hypertensive drug  
to level out your blood pressure and an analgesic for the headache.  
You will be required to submit to regular checks. In two weeks,  
I will extract some amniotic fluid to check the health of the  
foetus. I do not foresee any problems, but we should eliminate  
any concerns. Have you any questions?"  
"Well nonot at the moment, you seemed to be covering  
everything."  
"Doctor Crusher I would advise you to take on a lighter work  
load, at least until we stabilise your blood pressure."  
"Uh uh. I want to be here for the Captain."  
"But Doctor he will be comatose for days yethe will  
be unaware of your presence. What good will it do for you to be  
with him?"  
"It's important to me Selar. Somewhere, somehow he might  
know I'm there and be comforted. I don't want to miss that chance."  
"As you wish Doctor. I trust you will monitor your health  
and report any anomalies to me immediately?"  
"Of course."  
"Well the workup is complete and the database of you and  
Captain Picard has been created for the child. After the birth  
I will complete it with the child's information."  
"Thank you Selar. I'll return to my quarters now and get  
some rest. See you tomorrow."  
"Goodnight Doctor."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amy sat at the Ops station; sweat slowly running  
down her back. The last order she'd received she'd muffed, sending  
the wrong information to the Con, causing the Enterprise to veer  
sharply to port, nearly spinning on its axis.  
Will was slowly losing patience.  
"Ensign! Did you understand the order?"  
In a shaky voice, Amy replied,  
"Yes Sir."  
"Well what happened? If not for the inertial dampeners, we  
could've had casualties all over the ship. Think Ensign, then  
react. You've done this drill a hundred timesyou should  
be able to do it in your sleep. It's simple. You receive the order  
and implement itas fast as you can. Understood?"  
"Aye Sir."  
"Then for God's sake do it! Now againI want a course  
plotted to take us to Syrrus IV."  
"Yes Sir."  
Amy stared that the console, tears blurring her vision. She tried  
to input the correct commands and mistook a crucial sequence of  
orders. The con received the defective commands and again the  
ship lurched, this time a nosedive at full impulse.  
"Ensign!"  
Amy spun in her chair, tears streaming down her face. Hiccuping  
with sobs, she spluttered,  
"I request to be relieved Sir."  
Will lowered his head and blew out a frustrated breath. With his  
head still lowered he muttered,  
"Permission granted."  
Amy bolted from her seat and made it into the turbolift, waiting  
until the doors closed before collapsing into a sobbing mass on  
the floor.

 

 

 

 

 

It was late when Beverly returned to her cabin. She  
wasn't surprised to find Deanna waiting at her door.  
"Hi there Dee, what can I do for you?"  
"I thought you might like to talk."  
Beverly regarded her friend and eventually reasoned she was right.  
"Come inI'll replicate some drinks. What do you want?"  
"Oh the usual hot chocolate will do me. What about you?"  
"I think I'll have an Earl Grey."  
"Has the Captain got you drinking that too?"  
"As a matter of fact I find it most refreshing. It's very  
fragrant. You should try it."  
Deanna wrinkled her nose and shook her head.  
"To be honest I haven't found an Earth tea that I like. I  
prefer the Valerian teas."  
"Oh welleach to his own I guess."  
Deanna sat and made herself comfortable.  
How did the check up go?"  
"Pretty good. My blood pressure is up a tad, but that's understandable  
considering everything. Selar's on to it and I'm taking medication  
for it. The baby's fine so that's all that matters."  
"How's the headache?"  
"Better now."  
"Is it linked to the hypertension?"  
"Yes. I really think it's stress, but Selar is running a  
battery of tests. We should know more tomorrow."  
Deanna sipped her drink then asked her next question.  
"How did the Captain's surgery go?"  
"Oh good. We closed the open wounds, fused the breaks in  
the long bones and facilitated the nerve pathways to his fingers.  
The prosthesis will have to stay on for the next four days, but  
after that we can reduce it to his forearm and hand only. With  
luck he should be free of it in nine days."  
"Then we wake him up?"  
"Uh huh."  
"Are you prepared for that Beverlywill you be able  
to cope with his recovery?"  
Beverly stared into her cup frowning deeply.  
"I'll have tohe'll need me."  
"Well I'll help as much as he'll let me, but you'll have  
to bear in mind your condition. It won't be easy."  
"I know Dee, but what choice do I haveI love himand  
nowhe's the father of my child."  
Deanna moved to sit with her best friend. Gripping her arm, she  
whispered,  
"We'll get through this Beverlywe have to."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amy was seated at her desk composing a letter  
of resignation when she was interrupted by the door chime.  
Sniffing wetly, she called,  
"Come in."  
Guinan wafted through the doors and stood before the Ensign, serene  
as always.  
"Hello Ensign."  
Amy frowned and got to her feet.  
"Hello."  
"You remember meI tend the bar in the lounge."  
"Oh yeah, right. You're"  
"Guinan."  
"Right, Guinan. What can I do for you?"  
"We need to talk."  
"We do? About what?"  
"You and the Captain."  
Amy gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.  
"Oh no! I definitely don't want to talk about him."  
Guinan gestured with her hand expansively.  
"May I sit? Conversation is always better if you're seated,  
don't you think?"  
"What?"  
"You caused the accident that injured the Captain."  
It was a statement, not a question.  
Amy hesitated.  
"Yes"  
"And he reprimanded you."  
"He did more thanyes he did."  
"But Commander Riker countermanded his orders."  
Amy nodded.  
"So you're free to continue your work aboard the ship?"  
"Well yes."  
"Then why are you making such a God-awful mess of everything?"  
Amy slumped down into a chair. Her hand went to her brow as she  
felt tears threaten.  
"I can't function! The Captain's sickhe's not getting  
better and it's my fault! This whole damn mess was caused by me  
trying to get in sweet with my commanding officer and what do  
I do? I nearly kill the Captain! I think the best thing would  
be for me to resign and be gone so when he does get better, he  
won't be reminded of what happened by seeing me."  
"You can't be serious?"  
"You bet I am!"  
"Your not that important."  
"What?"  
"Look, what's going on with Captain Picard has nothing at  
all to do with you. Have you heard of the Borg?"  
"Of course I have."  
"Do you know that Captain Picard was assimilated?"  
"I know about Wolf 359"  
"Well that happened because Captain Picard had been assimilated  
into the Borg collective. He was rescued by the crew of this ship  
and aided Starfleet in defeating the Borg."  
"Yes, I know"  
"Can you imagine what it must be like to have his memories?"  
Amy stopped breathing a moment and looked up at her visitor. All  
she could do was shake her head.  
"Have you seen the Captain lately?"  
She nodded.  
"Did you notice the prosthesis on his right arm?"  
In a small voice she said,  
"Yes."  
"Do you know how much like a Borg prosthesis it is?"  
"No."  
"Well let me tell you, when Captain Picard woke up and saw  
it, he thought he'd been re-assimilated. Can you imagine what  
that must have been like?"  
"Oh God."  
"Oh God's right. He's in shock Amy and the only way he can  
express it is with anger. You were his first target."  
"Oh. And what about now? I hear he's in some kind of catatonia  
and he's had more surgery."  
"That's true, but he's been left like that for a reason.  
The two people most qualified to treat him are now on board. Let  
them do their jobs, I'm sure he'll be restored to us soon."  
Amy stood and walked to her bed. Picking up the pillow, she hugged  
it to her chest.  
"I hear what you're saying. I won't resign until the Captain's  
better. If I think he's okI might stick around. Ok?"  
"Fair enough."  
Guinan rose and let her intelligent eyes take in the pretty Ensign.  
"Just give him time."  
Amy nodded and Guinan left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beverly was seated beside her lover, her work finished  
for the day. When Selar came in, she turned and smiled at her  
fellow medic.  
"Doctor Crusher you should return to your quarters. It has  
been a long day."  
"Oh I think I'll stay a while. Did you finish my blood analysis?"  
"Yes. I was going to discuss it with you tomorrow."  
"Pull up a chair, I'm not going anywhere."  
Selar hesitated but shrugged mentally and sat beside the tired  
red head.  
"You are aware, of course, that you are pre-menopausal?"  
Beverly turned her head and raised an eyebrow.  
"Well I suppose"  
"Your pregnancy has caused your pituitary gland to secrete  
ACTH and it is making"  
"My adrenal gland create too much adrenalin, causing  
the hypertension."  
"Precisely. The arterioles are constricted."  
"Have you ruled out a tumour of the pituitary gland?"  
"Yes. My opinion is that we continue to treat the hypertension  
on a daily basis and monitor your condition. I am hopeful it will  
rectify itself after the birth."  
"And these damn headaches?"  
"The prognosis is the same."  
"Fine. Am I due for analgesia?"  
"If you wish. I will go and get it now."  
"Thank you Selar."  
Left alone again with Jean-Luc, she sighed and reached for his  
hand.  
"Oh Jean-Luc, do we have some things to talk about."

 

 

 

 

 

Will Riker tightened his arms around the woman who shared  
his bed and sighed with satisfaction. Their lovemaking had been  
sweet and protracted and he basked in the afterglow. Deanna's  
feelings of wellbeing intensified as she detected her lover's  
emotions.  
"You're happy with yourself."  
"Mmmm."  
She chuckled softly and nestled into his shoulder. His voice rumbled  
in his chest.  
"We should've done this a long time ago."  
"We did."  
"You know what I mean. We wasted a lot of timeyears"  
"Well we're here now, I think that's all that matters."  
"I love you Deannayou do know that don't you?"  
Deanna rose up on an elbow and kissed him tenderly.  
"Yes Will, I know and I love you."  
He beamed at her and pulled her down in a warm embrace. They lay  
quietly for a time before Will spoke again.  
"Do you think Beverly and the Captain have what we have?"  
"Oh I think so. Do you knowthe day we left, they made  
love twice in the morning, then again just before they made it  
to the Shuttle Bay."  
"You're kidding! Captain Picard? Nooo he wouldn'the's  
toohe's"  
"Believe it. Not only that, but Beverly says she's completely  
satisfiedin every way. She says his hands and mouth"  
"Ok! Enough already. So the crafty old dog's a lover is he?  
Well, who'd have believed it?"  
"I think there's a lot about our Captain we don't know."  
"You're right there. This Borg business, it came right out  
of left field. I felt so helpless. I wish there was something  
I could've donesomething I could've said to himGod  
Dee, he suffered."  
"I know, but you must realise that no one but Beverly or  
I could've helped him?"  
"Yeah I know that but"  
"No buts Will. In some ways he's his own worse enemy. If  
he would only learn to be as open with us as he is with Beverly"  
Deanna drifted off in thought, pricking Will's curiosity.  
"What?"  
"Oh dammit Willthings are a lot more complicated than  
they seem."  
"Why?"  
Deanna sighed and lifted her head to look at her lover.  
"Beverly's pregnant."  
Will sat up abruptly, dislodging his companion.  
"What!"  
"Shh! Keep your voice down. She found out while we were away.  
She got sick and scanned herself."  
"Holy shit Dee! Beverly's pregnant? Did she tell the Captain?"  
"No she chose to wait. Of course we didn't know"  
"Oh right. So when the Captain wakes up she'll tell him?"  
"I think she'll wait until he recovers."  
"So what does she want to do? Does she want to keep it?"  
"Yes."  
"Wow. This is incredible news."  
"Yes well Beverly knew I'd tell you, but leave it a while  
before you bring it up with hershe's pretty fragile right  
nowand she's been having bad headaches."  
"She's all right thoughisn't she?"  
"I think so. Selar's looking after her anyway. With everything  
that's happenedI just hope she stays well."  
"Me too Dee, me too."  
They lay back down and Deanna snuggled into his warm body. Sleep  
soon found them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guinan stood in the doorway and watched the dozing  
Doctor. She stepped into the room and noticed that the Doctor's  
hand was holding the hand of the man in the bed. She was about  
to leave when Beverly woke. She scanned the monitors and began  
to stand when Guinan made her presence known.  
"It's only me Beverly."  
"Oh GuinanI"  
"It's ok. I just dropped by to see you both."  
Beverly sat back down and yawned.  
"Well here we are."  
The barkeeper came up beside the bed and stared compassionately  
at the comatose Captain.  
"How long will he be like this?"  
"Another eight days."  
"How is he physically?"  
"Oh he's doing well. His arm is healing and we hope to put  
a smaller prosthesis on in two days. It was a terrible injury."  
"And psychologically?"  
"He's shut down Guinan. Right now no one can reach him."  
"I tried to talk to him you know, but he shut me out."  
Beverly smiled ruefully and lowered her head.  
"Yes, he can be a littleobtuse."  
The two women sat in silence for a while before Guinan peeped  
at her friend.  
"How far along are you?"  
Beverly's face registered her shock.  
"What?"  
"You're pregnant. How far along are you?"  
"Eight weeks. How did you know?"  
"You're glowing."  
"Is that based on any quantifiable method?"  
"No. I just know that's all. Does he know?"  
Beverly shook her head sadly and sighed.  
"No. I chose not to tell him straight away. I figured we'd  
have a romantic dinner when I returned and I'd tell him then."  
"Does it complicate things?"  
"To be absolutely honestI'm not sure. I really don't  
know how he'll take the news. On top of everything else"  
"Beverlybe assured. It will all work itself outeventually."  
Beverly laughed tiredly and shook her head.  
"And on what do you base that?"  
"Just trust me."  
Beverly tilted her head and cast a long look at her friend. Nodding  
she said quietly,  
"Ok."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three days later Jean-Luc had further surgery.  
A smaller prosthesis was fitted as the bones, muscles, nerves  
and blood vessels of his upper arm were completely healed. His  
shoulder was again functional and his elbow moved freely. Only  
his lower arm, wrist and hand needed further treatment. He had  
lengthy regeneration sessions and his fingers were manipulated  
frequently. Physically he was doing well.  
Beverly continued to be his constant companion, only retiring  
to her quarters at the insistence of Selar, late every evening.  
The treatment of her hypertension and headaches went by on schedule  
and the pregnancy continued unhindered.  
For the next five days they would finish treating the Captain's  
injuries and prepare to wake him.  
Duly that day arrived.  
Deanna called by Beverly's quarters in the morning and together  
they made their way to Sick Bay. The previous afternoon, Will,  
Deanna Selar and Beverly had met to discuss the treatment. Will  
was stalking about the office.  
"So how long after administering the psychotropic drug do  
you wait 'til you try and reach him?"  
It was Deanna who answered.  
"I will know. If the drug works as it should, I will get  
a sense of his self emerging from the closed mental state."  
Will turned to her and asked,  
"So how will you make contact?"  
"If he's in the same state as he's been in the past, he'll  
be confused and frightened. He will call for help. I will answer  
him."  
"Is it telepathic?"  
"No not exactly. It's more precisely a sense of feelings.  
He will project, I will receive then reciprocate."  
"That's where I come in."  
Beverly sat up in her seat and placed her hands on the table.  
"Once Deanna makes contact she will let him know I'm there.  
At that stage I should be able to touch him. He will know me immediately."  
"Selar cocked her head.  
"How many times have you done this?"  
Beverly cast a glance at Deanna and sighed.  
"Too many times. Early on in his initial recovery, he had  
dreadful nightmares. Often he would loose contact with reality  
and enter a state of catatonia. We discovered my physical connection  
to him at that time. One touch from me worked wondersmost  
of the time."  
Will stroked his beard.  
"Were there times it didn't work?"  
Again the glance between friends.  
"Yes. But he did recover Will. We can't discount that."  
"Well let's just hope he comes out of it unscathed."

 

 

 

They gathered around Jean-Luc's bed. Selar, Will, Deanna  
and Beverly, all dreading the coming events.  
Beverly hefted the hypospray and cast her eyes over her companions.  
"Are we ready?"  
They nodded in unison, Deanna moving closer to Jean-Luc. Beverly  
pressed the hypospray to his neck and injected him.  
They waited with trepidation, the minutes ticking by. Deanna frowned  
and shook her head.  
"I'm not getting anything."  
Beverly frowned.  
"How long should we wait?"  
Deanna shook her head.  
"I should be hearing him by now. Can he have more of the  
drug?"  
Selar checked the PADD she was holding and offered her opinion.  
"According to these statistics he can have a further ten  
cc's. Any more than that will cause a psychotic episode."  
Beverly sighed.  
"Well that leaves one question. Do we give him the whole  
dose, or part of it?"  
Will spoke up.  
"He's been in this state a long time. Perhaps he needs the  
whole dose."  
Deanna nodded.  
"I agree with Will. Maybe he can't find his way."  
With grim determination Beverly adjusted the hypospray and injected  
the entire ten cc's into Jean-Luc's neck. Will sighed.  
"What if it doesn't work? What do we do then?"  
Beverly was just about to answer when Deanna suddenly held up  
her hand. Stilling her body, she made herself hyperaware and concentrated  
with all her faculties.

 

 

 

 

Jean-Luc became aware of light infiltrating his senses.  
At first fascinated, he soon became frightened as the light grew  
in intensity and overwhelmed him. In his mind he screamed  
"Noooo! Stop it! Stop!Help!Someone help me!"  
He was screaming so loudly he didn't hear the voice but it was  
insistent, breaking through his terror.  
"Jean-Luc! Hear me Jean-Lucit's Deannahear me!"  
He stilled, panting.  
"Deanna?"  
"Yes Jean-Luc it's Deanna. You're all right, you're safe  
and well and in Sick Bay."  
He calmed somewhat and asked tentatively,  
"Am I alive?"  
"Yes Jean-Luc. Beverly's here."  
Deanna opened her eyes and nodded at her friend. Beverly stepped  
forward and laid her hand on the side of his face. His body relaxed  
and he sighed. Beverly leaned to him and spoke softly.  
"You can open your eyes Jean-Luc."  
A small smile appeared on his face as his eyes cracked open.  
"Well hello therewelcome back."  
His gaze was unfocussed but the grin widened. Beverly sat on the  
bed and took his face in her hands.  
"You're safe Jean-Luc, safe and well. I want you to sleep  
now. Get some rest and we'll talk when you wake up."  
He tried to raise a hand but she forestalled him.  
"No my lovesleep."  
She brushed her hand over his eyes and they drifted shut. The  
neural inducers had been removed and Beverly peered at the monitors  
as he slipped into sleep.  
"Selar I want someone with him at all times. Most likely,  
he'll have nightmares and I don't want him to slip back into catatonia."  
Selar nodded to her superior and made a note on the computer.  
Will let out a large breath.  
"Is that it?"  
Beverly grimaced.  
"No Will, this has been the beginning. Now that he's back  
with us, he has to deal with whatever made him shut down in the  
first place."  
"Oh. Will he sleep long?"  
"That's hard to say. His psyche has begun to repair itself.  
He will sleep as long as he needs to, or at least as long as the  
nightmares stay away."  
"Can I stay with him?"  
Beverly smiled and grasped Will's shoulder.  
"Of course you can. I'll even show you how to read the monitor."  
Will grinned and retrieved a chair.  
"I'm all ears."  
The Doctor spent the next ten minutes instructing Will while Deanna  
concentrated on the Captain. She detected nothing sinister coming  
from his brain and decided he could be left for a while. By the  
time Beverly was finished with Will, Deanna was ready to leave.  
The three women left the room and went to the office to document  
their report. Will straddled the chair and rested his head on  
his folded arms.  
"Well Captain it's just you and me. I'll watch over you."  
Will sighed as he settled in his seat. He had served under Jean-Luc  
for many years now and had formed an unbreakable bond with the  
older man. Estranged from his own father, Will found the steady  
guidance from his friend a strong constant in his sometimes turbulent  
life. His burgeoning relationship with Deanna was a source of  
great happiness for him, as was the sense of family he found aboard  
the Starship, but it was the staunch dedication Jean-Luc showed  
him that sustained him the most.  
In many ways, Jean-Luc was the father he'd always wantedneededand  
Will was determined to stay by his friend's side to see his through  
the gathering storm.

 

 

Three and a half hours later, Will was roused by the  
quiet alarm of the monitor. The Captain started to twitch and  
moan. Calling Beverly, he went to the Captain and was gently shaking  
his shoulder when Beverly came in.  
"Captain Picardwake up, come on, wake up."  
Beverly came to Will's side and brushed his hands away. She reached  
down and took Jean-Luc's face in her hands.  
His breathing calmed and his body relaxed.  
"Jean-Luc? Wake up my love, it was just a dream."  
His eyes opened sluggishly and cast about in an unfocussed daze.  
Beverly recognised his confusion and spoke to him gently.  
"Jean-Luc you know it's me. Look at me."  
His eyes found her face and locked on to her. The monitor showed  
his heart rate slowing as he began to find reality. His deep voice  
croaked as he tried to speak.  
"Beverly?"  
"Yes my love, it's me. Come on wake up."  
As his faculties came on line, so did his memory.  
"The Borg! Theythey made me"  
"No Jean-Luc that was a dream. You're in Sick Bay, it's ok  
nowyou're all right."  
Her hand found his and gripped him tightly. Her other hand brushed  
his forehead.  
Jean-Luc watched her as the fear abated. He swallowed and took  
a large breath. Clearing his throat, he asked,  
"What happened to me?"  
Will stepped back to allow Beverly to sit on the bed.  
"You were injured some time ago Jean-Luc and your treatment  
made you think of the Borg. It became too much and your mind closed  
down."  
"Like before? When I had the nightmares?"  
"Yes like that."  
"How long?"  
Beverly cast a look at Will and smiled crookedly down at her  
lover.  
"Well it's been a few days"  
"Days?"  
"We had to keep you in the state you were in for medical  
reasons, but you're ok now."  
"I don't remember"  
"That's understandable. When you're feeling better, I'll  
bring you up to speed but for nowrest is the best thing."  
"No BeverlyI don't want to sleepthe nightmares"  
"I didn't say sleep, I said rest. I'll sit with you if you  
like, you just lie there and get better."  
He smiled and sighed.  
"I think I can manage that."  
Beverly grinned at him then turned to Will.  
"Do you want to stay?"  
"Actually I think I'll find Deanna and go to the lounge."  
To his captain he said,  
"You get better Sir, I'll see you later."  
Jean-Luc smiled at his First Officer and nodded. After Will left,  
Beverly went to the replicator and retrieved a glass of water.  
"Here you go, have a drink."  
She helped Jean-Luc to raise his head as he sipped the liquid  
and tut-tutted when he spilled some. She mopped up the spill and  
watched as he settled himself in the bed.  
For the next four hours they spoke of inconsequentialities and  
passed the time as good friend do. Eventually his eyes began to  
droop and Beverly wasn't surprised to see him begin to slip into  
sleep, despite his fears. She stayed with him until he was into  
a deep sleep then called a nurse to be with him as she left his  
room.

 

 

 

 

 

Over the next two days he slowly came out  
of his fugue, staying awake longer and dreaming less, although  
the nightmares still plagued him.  
When Selar came in to exercise his arm, his questions came to  
the fore. Selar called for Beverly and the three of them made  
themselves comfortable.  
Jean-Luc flexed his right fist and noted the fading scars.  
"What happened to my arm?"  
Beverly and Selar told the Captain about the accident and his  
treatment. When it came to tell him about the prosthesis his head  
snapped up and he held up his hand.  
"Wait! I remember thatwhen I woke up I though I'd been"  
"re-assimilated. Yes. You tried to remove the unit  
and Selar had to sedate you. From that point on you went downhill."  
Jean-Luc groaned and wiped his hands down his face.  
"Oh God I remember now. I was so angrywith everyone.  
It seemed that everything I did only made me more angry and I  
couldn't understand whyI just vented my spleen on the closest  
person."  
"It's understandable Jean-Luc. When you became angry you  
lost controland that made you angrier. It just fed itself  
in an unending circle."  
Jean-Luc lowered his head and blew out a breath.  
"How many apologies do I owe?"  
Beverly chuckled and brushed his arm.  
"Oh a fewand Ensign Fullarton could use a"  
Jean-Luc closed his eyes and rested his head back on the pillow.  
"That poor girl! Oh God, I confined her to quarters"  
"It's ok, Will rescinded the order when it became clear you  
were notyourself."  
Jean-Luc frowned, his eyes going hard.  
"He did?"  
Beverly saw the change and moved to quell it.  
"Yes he did and it's a good thing too. That poor Ensign has  
suffered since; you've got no idea. She's gone from being one  
of our best to a shadow of her former self. You should speak to  
her."  
The Captain reined in his pique and studied his hands.  
"Yes, well perhaps later What about my arm?"  
Beverly gathered a smile and took the appendage in her hands.  
"It's coming on fine. You'll have to do some therapy, strengthening  
exercises mostly, but all in all, I think we can pronounce it  
healed."  
Jean-Luc recalled the spikes and gently fingered his chest.  
"I was lucky, wasn't I."  
Beverly grew tender as she remembered reading his recent medical  
file.  
"Yes you were."  
"Once again it would seem I owe you my thanks."  
Beverly laughed and shook her head.  
"No, not me this time. I wasn't on board remember? It was  
Selar who restored you, not me."  
A look of confusion crossed Jean-Luc's face, then cleared as he  
remembered.  
"Yes! You and Deanna were at a medical symposiumthen  
how?"  
Beverly frowned and took his hand.  
"Jean-Luc your mind was overwhelmed by what you were experiencing.  
You were alone in your quarters when you entered a state of catatoniayou  
weren't found for fourteen hours. Selar didn't have access to  
all of your medical files and couldn't help you. Will decided  
to come and get us there and then."  
Jean-Luc caught Beverly's eyes with his own and sighed as a small  
smile spread across his face.  
"Did you miss much?"  
Beverly laughed and tossed her hair back.  
"Only some boring speeches and some even more boring food.  
Oh by the way Adam Simpson says hello."  
"Adam Simpson? You mean Donald Simpson's son?"  
"Yes."  
"Isn't he a Doctor?"  
"Uh huh. He runs the Sick Bay at the facility."  
Jean-Luc smiled and squeezed her hand.  
"I hope you didn't need his professional services."  
Beverly gulped and blushed, turning to fiddle with some instruments  
on the table.  
Jean-Luc noticed the change and asked curiously,  
"Beverly? What is it?"  
The woman in question re-gathered her wits and turned back to  
him, a smile beaming on her beautiful face.  
"He's a rogue Jean-Luc! He told us some of the most wicked  
gossipI'll tell you later."  
Mollified, Jean-Luc grinned up at his lover and sighed.  
"I look forward to it.", although he wasn't completely  
convinced.

 

 

 

 

Later that afternoon Jean-Luc was reading in his  
room when he became aware of another presence in his room. Looking  
up, he smiled when he spied his visitor.  
"Guinan, come in."  
"Hello Picard, how are you?"  
"Oh I'm fine."  
"No you're not."  
Jean-Luc bridled and closed his book firmly.  
"I beg your pardon?"  
Guinan stepped further into the room and settled comfortably into  
a chair.  
"You're not fine, you're worried."  
"Really? About what?"  
"The Borg."  
Jean-Luc blanched at the very mention of the name. He felt a tremble  
begin in his hands and angrily closed them into fists.  
"Nonsense!"  
"Picard it's me you're talking to. How much sleep are you  
getting?"  
He turned his head slightly, peering at his visitor.  
"Enough."  
"Bullshit. What about the nightmares?"  
"Look Guinan Beverly says"  
"I know what she says, I'm asking you."  
He stared defiantly at her before frowning.  
"They're getting better. I haven't slipped into thatstateagain."  
"But you still dream of the Borg."  
Her calmness was in direct contrast to his anger.  
"Yes dammit! I still dream of the Borg! So what?"  
"What have you told Troi."?  
Jean-Luc closed his eyes and took a calming breath. Feeling more  
in control, he opened his eyes and spoke gently.  
"Look Guinan, everything is in hand. Deanna and I are working  
through some issues and I'm confident that we can resolve theseproblemsI've  
been having."  
"That only works if you tell her the truth."  
The anger returned in a flash and with it his harsh voice.  
"For fuck's sake, what would you have me say? I can't sleep?  
I don't want to be alone? I'm fucking afraid all the time?"  
Guinan calmly clasped her hands on her lap and straightened her  
back.  
"That would do for a start."  
"Well it's not going to happen! I'm fine and I will get through  
this! Now if you've nothing better to do, I'd appreciate it if  
you'd leave!"  
Guinan shook her head as she stood. Picking a non-existent speck  
of lint from her gown, she looked down at the fuming Captain.  
"I'll go Picard, but we both know you won't get better until  
you come clean with Troi."  
Jean-Luc sneered and muttered,  
"Just go."  
The silence in the room was deafening after she left. Jean-Luc  
threw the book across the room with all the strength he could  
muster then lowered his head into his hands.  
Two hours later Beverly went into his room to find him asleep  
in the bed. Frowning at finding him asleep at that time of day,  
she lowered the lights and made sure the monitors were on before  
leaving him while she retrieved a book. During her absence, she  
was waylaid by a nurse wanting her opinion on something and she  
didn't hear the alarm when it sounded. Some moments later, she  
was once again on her way to his room when the alarm became evident  
as she approached the door. She ran the remaining distance to  
his side to find him on the floor curled up in a ball. When she  
shook his shoulder, his body lost its rigidity and became a loose  
bag of bones. Drool slipped from his slack mouth and when Beverly  
checked his eyes, they had rolled back in his head.  
"Selar!"  
The Vulcan came at the run to find her fellow medic holding the  
Captain's head.  
"He's catatonic! Get Troi!"  
Selar went to get some help and called Deanna as she went. She  
returned with three nurses and together they lifted Jean-Luc back  
onto the bed. Deanna was out of breath when she arrived.  
"What happened?"  
Beverly swept her hair out of the way.  
"He was sleeping when I checked on him. I thought it was  
unusual, but I went to get a book. I was delayed and didn't hear  
the alarm. I found him on the floor, over there in the corner,  
curled up in a ball and when I touched him he went slack."  
"We can assume it was a nightmare then?"  
"Yes the monitor showed chaotic activity."  
Deanna watched the comatose Captain for a moment then spoke her  
mind.  
"I think we'd better bring him out of this quickly, don't  
you?"  
"Yes. Selar will you get the drug?"  
The Doctor nodded and left, soon returning with a loaded hypospray.  
Beverly took it and calibrated the dose. She pressed it to Jean-Luc's  
neck and pressed the trigger.  
It was only seconds before Deanna felt his presence return. His  
body stiffened and his face contorted.  
"Ahhh! No STOP! God please no moreno more pleaseplease  
I can't"  
"Jean-Luc it's Deanna, it was a dream, just a dreamwake  
upplease Captain, wake up!"  
Jean-Luc's hands flew to his head as he screamed in agony.  
Beverly took his face in her hands and yelled,  
"Jean-Luc wake up!"  
His screaming paused and he drew another breath. Beverly called  
again,  
"Jean-Luc! It's Beverlyfor God's sake wake up!"  
He hesitated and Deanna heard him in her mind.  
"Beverly?"  
"Yes Captain it's Beverly. You were having a nightmare, but  
it's over now. It's time to wake up."  
On the bed, his body relaxed and his face softened. He lowered  
his hands and opened his eyes. Beverly's hands were still either  
side of his face as she stared intently down at him.  
"Beverly? What?"  
"Shh Jean-Luc, it's all right now. Just relax everything's  
ok now."  
Suddenly he grabbed her hands, his eyes opening wide.  
"Beverlythe Borg! You must"  
"No Jean-Luc it was a dream, just a dream. You're safe now,  
in Sick Bay. It's ok."  
His eyes filled with tears and his jaw trembled.  
"There's no Borg?"  
"No Jean-Luc no Borg."  
"Oh God Beverlytheythey"  
Her own eyes brimming with unshed tears; she sat on the bed and  
took the distressed man into her arms.  
"I know my love, I know, but they're gone nowall gone."  
Jean-Luc started to sob, his breath hiccuping and catching in  
his throat. He lifted his arms and wound them around Beverly and  
clung to her as if his very life was hanging in the balance. In  
many ways it was.

 

 

 

 

Some time later, Selar, Deanna and Beverly watched  
as the sleeping Captain sighed. His head twitched but he showed  
no signs of distress. It was Deanna who spoke.  
"He's obviously been withholding a lot from me."  
Beverly huffed and straightened his bedcovers.  
"So what else is new? I wouldn't mind betting"  
"That he's been having trouble all along?"  
"Guinan? What are you doing here?"  
"My friend needed me."  
"Your friendyou mean the Captain?"  
"Yes. I came to see him earlier. We talked."  
Beverly offered the enigmatic woman a chair. She seated herself  
regally and adjusted her gown.  
Deanna asked the obvious.  
"What did you talk about?"  
"Oh things, you know. He told me he's not sleeping well,  
he's afraid to be alone and he's frightened all the time."  
Deanna stood, her hands on her hips.  
"He just came out and told you all that?"  
"Well let's just sayI encouraged him."  
"Why the hell would he withhold that from me? For God's sake  
doesn't he want to recover?"  
"Picard is an unusual man."  
"Guinan I know how special the Captain is"  
"No, you misunderstand me. He's unusual. The normal rules  
don't apply to him. Why do you think he's been able to recover  
form so much trauma in the past? Surely you must see that it takes  
an exceptional man to achieve that? Beverly you know him better  
than mostwhat do you think?"  
Beverly stood and went to his side. After some thought, she replied,  
"I think he's shielding me. I think he somehow thinks he's  
protecting me from something."  
Guinan nodded sagely.  
"I agree with you. Now what would be the best treatment for  
him at this time?"  
Without hesitation Beverly answered.  
"Absolute honesty. He would accept nothing else."  
"Exactly. If he feels your withholding anything from him,  
he'll clam up and you'll get absolutely nothing from him."  
The two woman's eyes met and Beverly's widened.  
"Guinan surely you don't mean I should tell him about the  
baby? It's too soon!"  
Guinan shook her head and smiled lopsidedly.  
"He already knows. On some level, somehow, he knows something's  
amiss. Why else would he not be honest with Deanna? Maybe when  
you touched him that first time, I don't know, but I can tell  
you he knows and he resents you withholding it."  
Deanna folded her arms and sighed.  
"Beverly it makes sense."  
"No it doesn't!"  
"Beverly"  
"No! I will not have this conversation with him now. It's  
too soon; he's already got more than enough on his plate. Maybe  
later, when he's recovered"  
Guinan stood in preparation to leaving.  
"Don't you see Doctor? If you don't tell him he won't recover.  
Are you prepared for that?"  
She glided from the room leaving three thoughtful women in her  
wake.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometime later that evening Jean-Luc awoke to find  
Beverly dozing in a chair beside his bed. He sighed and smiled,  
but the good humour fled as he recalled his nightmare. His whispered,  
"Mon Dieu"  
was heard by Beverly and her eyes snapped open.  
"Jean-Luc?"  
He closed his eyes and mustered a smile.  
"It's all rightI'm fine."  
Beverly frowned and checked the monitors. Finding nothing amiss  
she stood and gently brushed the back of her hand down his face.  
"You need to shave."  
He raised a hand and rubbed it over his stubbled jaw.  
"Hmm."  
"How do you feel? And don't say fine. I know for a fact that  
you must feel like a dog's breakfast."  
He smirked, stifling a chuckle.  
"Beverly where do you get these sayings? I've never heard"  
"Just answer the question Jean-Luc!"  
He raised his eyebrows at her sharp tone and replied in kind.  
"All right fine! I feel like shit! I'm tired and scaredthere!  
Are you satisfied?"  
"NO! Why did it take another nightmare and a bout of catatonia  
to drag that from you? For God's sake Jean-Luc"  
The Captain took a calming breath and reached for her hand.  
"Look I know I can be a littlereticent. I'll try harderall  
right?"  
"It's Troi you should be saying that to. You scared six months  
growth out of me Jean-Luc! Tell me you'll be honest with Deannaplease?"  
Bowing to the inevitable, he nodded.  
"Very well, I will be the epitome of lucid thought. She will  
know my every secret. Now how about you?"  
Beverly stared at him with trepidation.  
"What about me?"  
"Well if I have to be honest with Deanna you have to be honest  
with me."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Oh I don't know! How is my treatment goingwhat is  
my prognosiswhat haven't you told me?"  
"What? Nothing! There's nothing I haven't told you. Your  
treatment is on schedule and your prognosis is excellent. It's  
you who's been withholding things."  
Somewhat taken aback, Jean-Luc squeezed her hand.  
"Hey there's no need to get upset. I just felt you'd not  
been completely honest with me, that's all."  
"And on what do you base this feeling?"  
Now Jean-Luc was worried. Beverly was upset and he didn't know  
why. Cautiously he said,  
"I don't knowI just feel it."  
"Well your feelings are unfounded! You know I've never been  
anything but honest with you and I resent any implication to the  
contrary!"  
"Beverlycalm downI didn't mean to implylook  
let's just forget it all right?"  
The irate Doctor took a deep breath and reined in her temper.  
Seeing that she was upsetting her patient, she changed the subject.  
"Are you up to a bit of therapy?"  
"What?"  
"I want to exercise your arm. How about it?"  
"Very well."  
Leaving him momentarily, she retrieved a bottle and squeezed some  
of the contents onto her hand. Warming the liquid, she took his  
arm and began to massage it with long firm strokes. As she worked,  
he regained his equilibrium and he soon fell into the rhythm of  
her strong hands. When the muscles and sinews were warmed and  
loose, she began a series of stretches designed to facilitate  
strength and mobility.  
"Make a fist, then release it."  
He did as she requested, repeating the movement four more times.  
He sighed with contentment as she extended the massage to his  
tense shoulders. His voice rumbled in his chest.  
"I've missed your touch."  
It was such a simple statement, but said with heartfelt earnestness.  
Beverly stilled her hands and cupped his chin, lifting his head.  
She leaned forward and kissed him tenderly, trying to impart all  
her love for him with the touch of her lips.  
He hesitated then returned the kiss in kind, his tongue gently  
requesting admittance.  
She opened to him slowly as his arms came up to encircle her.  
Twisting slightly sideways, he encouraged her to lie with him  
on the bed and she did, deepening the kiss.  
His hands explored her back as the passion rose between them.  
One of his hands drifted down to her buttocks and pulled her hard  
against him. Feeling his evident arousal, she moaned into his  
mouth. His hand crept up and cupped her breast as he broke the  
kiss.  
"I take it we can lock the door?"  
Reality slammed into Beverly and she gasped.  
"What? Nono we can't."  
She sat up and made to leave the bed. Jean-Luc grabbed her arm  
and tried to catch her eye.  
"Beverly? What is it?"  
"Jean-Luc we can'tnot here!"  
"Why not? I'll admit it's not the most romantic of locales,  
but if we're quietit is the night shift isn't it?"  
Shaking free of his grasp, Beverly left the bed and straightened  
her uniform.  
"I am not going to make love to you here! What were you thinking?"  
"What was I thinking? You kissed me remember!"  
"Well that's just typical! One kiss and you expect sex! I've  
a good mind to"  
"To what? Make my life more miserable? I just thought"  
Beverly's tone was cutting.  
"Thought? I don't think so. You want miserable? Fine! You  
can just stew in your own juice mister. I've got better things  
to do than mollycoddle you!"  
With that she turned on her heel and stormed out. She'd almost  
reached her office when her words repeated themselves in her mind.  
She stopped dead in her tracks and pinched the bridge of her nose.  
"Oh God what was I thinking?"  
She retraced her steps and re-entered his room. He was lying on  
his side with the lights lowered.  
"Jean-Luc?"  
In a quiet voice he answered.  
"Go away Beverly."  
He sounds so tired, she thought.  
She stepped into the room and went to his side. Gently rubbing  
his shoulder she sighed.  
"Jean-Luc I'm sorryI didn't mean what I said. Can we  
start againplease?"  
He was still a moment until his shoulders rose in an expansive  
sigh. He turned onto his back and looked up at his best friend.  
"Beverlywhat just happened?"  
"I don't know."  
"Yes you do. Something's wrong."  
Beverly sat on the bed and took his hands in hers.  
"It's nothing Jean-Luc. I've been under a bit of stress latelyI'm  
a bit hormonal right now, I'm sure it will settle soon."  
He gave Beverly his 'really' look but refrained from arguing.  
"All right, I'll accept that, but I still think"  
Beverly loosened one hand and put her fingers to his lips, silencing  
him.  
"Shh Jean-Luc. No more. You get some sleep. I'll sit with  
you."  
He thought about remonstrating with her, but eventually had to  
admit he was tired. He made himself comfortable as Beverly secured  
a chair and, as he drifted off, he wondered what could be bothering  
her.

 

 

 

 

 

Two days later he was beginning to feel angryagain.  
Deanna's mental probing was wearing thin and he was losing his  
patience.  
"Look, let's just say the whole thing was upsetting and leave  
it at that!"  
"Captain you know that doesn't cover"  
"Doesn't it? I'm the one who was assimilated. It was me who  
was taken from my own Bridge, surgically mutilated and used as  
a weapon against our own people. Don't you think I'm intimately  
aware of what they did to me?"  
Deanna lowered her head and let his anger wash over her. Re-aligning  
her mental barriers, she gathered her thoughts and tried again.  
"Captain Picard, no one is trying to suggest that you're  
not fully cognizant of what happened to you. My point isyou  
still harbour fear and unresolved fury for the Borgand that's  
perfectly understandablebut we need to deal with those feelings,  
otherwise they will continue to surface at times of stress."  
Jean-Luc stood and strode around the room, his hands cutting the  
air.  
"Can't you teach me some techniquesome sort of mental  
disciplinethat I could employ to negate theseepisodes?"  
"The short answer is no. In time, I will teach you some methods  
of regaining mental balance, but for now you have to do the hard  
work and tell me exactly what you feel."  
"What I feel?"  
His laugh was bitter.  
"Counsellor you have no idea."  
"Tell me."  
He stood in the centre of the room staring at the petite woman.  
Sighing, he sat in the chair and ran his hands over his bald head.  
When he was ready, he began.  
"When I came to and found that prosthesis on my arm I panicked.  
My first thought was that I'd been re-assimilated and the idea  
terrified me. I couldn't face it again CounsellorI would  
rather die than go through that again. After they sedated me,  
the nightmares began. It was the whole experience all over again  
and I was trappeddoomed to relive it over and overthey  
woke me but the terror didn't dissipate. It stayed, dogging my  
thoughts, infiltrating my mind and I became angry. I was angry  
it was happening again and I was furious I had no control whatsoever  
over it. Each time I lost control the fury grew, as did the fear.  
I began to see Borg in the shadows and I feared for my sanity.  
I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I just tried to functionto  
live with what was going on in my mind. Eventually I became exhausted  
and sleep claimed me, despite my efforts and I slipped into catatonia.  
I was trapped in an unending nightmare from which I couldn't escape.  
Will told me about the neural inducersI owe him a great  
deal for that, he may well have saved my sanity. The thing isI  
had absolutely no control. From the moment I saw the prosthesis  
I was doomed. How do I feel about that? I'll tell you CounsellorI'm  
appalled!"  
He lowered his head into his hands and sat quietly. Deanna weighed  
his words and gently called him.  
"Captain?"  
He raised his tired eyes and fixed his gaze upon her.  
"Have you ever had that reaction to anything else? A prosthesis  
on someone else perhaps, or a picture of a Borg?"  
His voice ragged, he closed his eyes and shook his head.  
"No."  
"Since your recovery, have you had trouble with nightmares?"  
He sat up and rubbed his hands on his thighs.  
"Not really. There are timeswhen I'm very tired or  
under great stressit happens occasionally."  
"Why didn't you ever tell me?"  
"Because I didn't think it was necessary. Look Counsellor  
I think the occasional nightmare is small price to pay for what  
happened. You don't think I was going to come away completely  
unscathed did you?"  
"No Sir but had you been more honest with me we may have  
prevented what happened recently."  
He looked up and frowned deeply.  
"CounsellorDeanna I don't think"  
"No really Captain. You've obviously been nurturing a hatred  
for the Borg that had festered with time and has only now emerged.  
What do you think we should do about it?"  
He stared at her and shrugged his shoulders diffidently.  
"I've no idea."  
Deanna stood and held out her hand.  
"Well I do! Come on Captain, we're going to see Beverly."

 

 

 

 

 

 

The red haired Doctor was treating a sprained wrist  
when Deanna and the Captain walked in. She took a moment to admire  
his handsome form in his civilian clothes, then turned her attention  
back to the wayward Ensign.  
"Now Dwight this is the secondand definitely lasttime  
I'll fix this wrist. Either alter the programme or choose another  
sport."  
She winked at the Ensign, who had blanched at seeing the Captain's  
arrival.  
"Go on now, off you go."  
He offered a quick nod to Jean-Luc then made himself scarce. Beverly  
was still smiling at the effect the Captain had on his younger  
crew when Deanna broke into her thoughts.  
"Beverly can we see you in the office?"  
She nodded and led them across the room to her sanctum.  
"What can I do for you?"  
The three settled into chairs and Deanna gathered her thoughts.  
"The Captain and I have been discussing his feelings concerning  
the Borg. It would seem he has some repressed anger that is doing  
him harm. I want you opinion on his suitability for regressive  
therapy."  
"I think it's a good idea, but surely you don't need my sanction?"  
"In this instance I do. I suggest you sedate the Captain  
prior to me hypnotising him. The choice of drug would be crucial  
of course."  
"I see. Why sedation? Why not use the standard method of  
hypnosis?"  
Deanna sat forward in her chair and clasped her hands on the desktop.  
"Captain Picard has an extraordinarily strong mind. His natural  
instinct when threatened would be to shield himself from me and  
I want to circumvent that if possible by using drugs to sedate  
him first."  
"What did you have in mind?"  
"Benzotyline would be my choicewhat do you think?"  
"Hmm. Let me do some research and I'll get back to you. When  
did you think you want to do it?"  
"Soonthe sooner the better."  
Jean-Luc leaned forward and asked what was on his mind.  
"Tell me, will I have any control over this procedure? Will  
I remember it?"  
Deanna turned to him and nodded.  
"No Captain, you'll have no control, but you will remember  
it and it's very important you do. We will be in your quarters.  
Beverly will sedate you and monitor your physical responses. I  
will hypnotise you and allow you to vent your buried emotions  
concerning the Borg. Later we will deal with the effects of the  
catharsis."  
Jean-Luc frowned as his fingers gently rubbed his lower lip.  
"So no one elsejust us three."  
"Yes Sir."  
He looked at his best friend.  
"Beverly? What do you think?"  
She reached across the desk and took his hand. Looking deep into  
his dark hazel eyes, she smiled tenderly.  
"Jean-Luc if this can help youif you can rid yourself  
of this damn demonthen do it! Deanna and I will be with  
you, it'll be all right."  
Jean-Luc sat back and studied the two women before him. He was  
about to commit his well being into the hands of othersagain,  
but he knew these two women, knew them and trusted them. Coming  
to his decision he nodded abruptly.  
"Very well then. We will do this and I pray we only ever  
have to do it once."  
Deanna smiled at her Captain and nodded to Beverly.  
"We'll be with you Sir."

 

The following afternoon the three friends gathered  
in Jean-Luc's quarters. He raised his eyebrows at Beverly who  
in turn looked to Deanna.  
"Captain would you make yourself comfortable?"  
He cast about, eventually choosing the chair by the viewports.  
Settling himself, he watched as Beverly opened her med kit and  
took out a hypospray. She opened a tricorder and placed it on  
the seat beside her then checked the dose on the hypospray. Nodding  
her readiness, she turned to Deanna. The Counsellor opened a small  
case and removed an intriguing object. Small in size and multi-faceted,  
it caught the light and glowed with the colours of the spectrum.  
She held it up and showed the Captain.  
"This is what I will use to hypnotise you."  
He nodded and smiled as Beverly came to his side. Her blue eyes  
glowed as she looked down at him.  
"Are you ready?"  
He shrugged and took a big breath.  
"I suppose so."  
Beverly trailed her fingers down his face then brought the hypospray  
to his neck.  
"Remember my loveyou're not alone."  
As she said that, she dispensed the Benzotyline and watched as  
his body relaxed. Jean-Luc sighed and raised his head when Deanna  
called to him.  
"Captain I want you to watch the lights, just watch the lights  
and relax"  
Within minutes the drug and Deanna had done their work and Jean-Luc  
entered a trance-like state.  
Deanna moved closer and issued some simple commands that Jean-Luc  
carried out without hesitation. She looked up at Beverly.  
"He's ready."  
The Doctor nodded and took up the tricorder, scanning the Captain  
before giving Deanna her go-ahead. Deanna sat forward and spoke  
gently to Jean-Luc.  
"Captain I want you to think about the Borg"

 

 

 

 

 

Over the next two hours, Jean-Luc re-lived his assimilation  
and the devastation of the battle at Wolf 359, but this time he  
was able to express his feelings in all their dark connotations.  
He roared and spat, screamed his fury and sobbed his despair as  
piece by piece, Deanna dismantled his hidden emotions.  
When it was over he lay exhausted and sleeping on the sofa. Beverly  
had placed a pillow under his head and a blanket over his body.  
The two women looked down at him with pity and awe.  
"My God." Beverly whispered. "That was like removing  
the most stubborn malignant tumour."  
Deanna nodded and went to the replicator, and returned with drinks  
for both of them.  
"I suspected he was holding a lot in, but the reality of  
ithaving him confront it then express how he feelsI  
don't know how he's managed all this time. It's no wonder it surfaced."  
Beverly nodded and rubbed her face with her hands.  
"Surfaced and bit him on the arse! God if only he wasn't  
soso"  
"Beverly he is the way he is. Would you change him?"  
She thought but a moment and sighed.  
"Of course not. I love him Deanna, completely, with all hisfoibles."  
"There you go then."  
"Would you change anything about Will?"  
Deanna chuckled and put a finger to her chin.  
"You mean apart from the beard?"  
"Whatyou don't like his beard?"  
"You're forgetting I have memories of a clean shaven Will  
Riker. Let's just say the beard may be on borrowed time."  
The two friends settled into a companionable silence while they  
sipped their drinks. Beverly picked up the tricorder and scanned  
the somnolent Captain.  
"He's been avoiding food hasn't he."  
Beverly frowned over the readings and nodded.  
"Yes and he's not been sleeping wellif at all. You  
know I thought that by keeping him in Sick Bay I could monitor  
all this, but he's done his usual thing right under my nose and  
I let him!"  
"Don't be too hard on yourself Beverly. He's spent a lifetime  
doing what he wants, it would be a hard habit to break."  
"I knowit's just"  
"You're thinking about the baby?"  
"Yes. It will change everything. He will have to think about  
his vulnerability in a way he's never had to before. He won't  
like it."  
"Maybe not, but perhaps it will strengthen your bond with  
him. Look at it this waywho else would he be happy in knowing  
all this?"  
"Nobody!"  
"Beverly"  
"All right, fair enough. I suppose you're going to tell me  
that if he's willing to let me witness this, then I should tell  
him about the baby."  
"Well, what do you think?"  
Beverly put down the tricorder and sighed.  
"How do you think he's going to be when he wakes upor  
over the next couple of days?"  
"Very fragile. He'll be appalled at what he will see as a  
breakdown, it'll be my job to make him see himself in a kinder  
light."  
"Well then, when he's stronger I'll tell him."  
"Tell me what?"  
"Jean-Luc! How long have you been awake?"  
He closed his eyes and shook his head.  
"Just now. I woke up and heard you say you should tell me  
something. What?"  
"That you need a meal and a drink, a shower then bed, in  
that order."  
"Beverly"  
"Come on sit uphow do you feel?"  
He ran a hand over his face and grimaced at feeling the salt from  
his tears.  
"Wrung out mostlyand ashamed."  
Deanna came to sit beside him and took his hand.  
"No Captain, never shame. What happened was needed and accepted  
by us in the strictest confidence."  
"I know Counsellorbut"  
"Not now Captainlater, when you're feeling stronger."  
"That's not like you Counsellor. You usually like to tackle  
things head on."  
"I know Captain but this time I think we all go do with a  
breather."  
Beverly stood over the Captain.  
"Come over to the table. I've replicated a light meal and  
a hot cup of Earl Grey."  
Jean-Luc cast a long-suffering look at Deanna, but bent to Beverly's  
wishes. He sat at the table, looked at his meal and sighed.  
"Beverly, I'm really not hungryperhaps?  
"Uh uh Jean-Luc. I want you to eat all of that and I'm not  
going anywhere until you do!"  
He looked up at her and frowned.  
"I was hoping you'd stay anyway. I'm discharged from Sick  
Bay aren't I?"  
The two women looked at each other and Deanna shrugged. Beverly  
made her decision on the spot.  
"Ok."  
"Ok to what? You staying or my discharge?"  
"Both. But you're going to have to pull your weight. I want  
you eating and sleeping properlyno half measuresno  
'I'm fine' and brush me off."  
Jean-Luc scowled and looked up at Deanna.  
"Can I stay with you instead?"  
She chuckled; pleased he was finding his sense of humour.  
"No Sir, you stay here. I think you and Beverly both need  
some quiet time together. I'll see you tomorrow and be prepared,  
you've got some hard work ahead of you."  
He nodded and watched her leave before turning to his lover.  
Beverly went to the replicator and returned with a meal for herself.  
Sitting, she picked up her cutlery.  
"It's always nicer to share a meal, don't you think?"  
"Hmm. I'm not convinced you know."  
"Convinced? About what?"  
"You've got something to tell me and it's got nothing to  
do with diet or sleep."  
"Oh Jean-Luceat your chicken and be quiet."  
He sighed and picked up his fork, looking down at the meal with  
distaste.  
"Very well Beverly but you should knowI'm a very patient  
man. I'll wait."  
She looked at him and smiled warmly. Inside her heart trembled.

 

 

 

 

Later that evening Beverly was wiping his brow  
with a damp cloth. He'd gone to bed, only to waken from a nightmare.  
His chest heaved as he regained his breath, his whole body quaking.  
Beverly was about to ask him to lie back down when he abruptly  
threw off the sheet and bolted from the bed.  
"Jean-Luc?"  
"God I hate this! When is it going to be bloody well over?"  
She stood and went to him feeling his boiling emotions.  
"Can I get you anythinga drink perhaps?"  
He stopped his pacing and cocked his head.  
"Yes! A whiskeya double. There's a bottle in the sideboard."  
While he went to the bathroom to wash his sweat-streaked face,  
Beverly went to the living area and soon returned with two glasses.  
She gave one to Jean-Luc and was about to suggest a toast when  
he placed the tumbler at his lips and downed the lot in one go.  
"Did you bring the bottle?"  
"No it's"  
He strode from the room and Beverly found him re-filling his glass.  
"Do you want another?"  
"I've not finished this one"  
He shrugged and downed the liquor in one gulp. He was reaching  
for the bottle again when she stopped him.  
"Jean-Lucthis isn't necessary."  
He filled the tumbler nonetheless and gestured with the container.  
"Are you going to drink with me or not?"  
She came fully into the room and sat on the sofa.  
"I'll drink with youat my own pace and you, my dear  
Captain, should slow down."  
"Really? And what if I don't feel like slowing down?"  
"Theneventuallyyou'll get horribly drunk and  
I'll have to put you to bed."  
He sat heavily on the chair and looked into the depths of the  
glass.  
"Tempting"  
"Maybe, but you'll feel rotten in the morning."  
"Nothing a well placed hypospray wouldn't fix."  
"You'd feel worse than just hung over Jean-Lucand you  
know it."  
His voice grew harsh.  
"Jesus Christthere's no fucking escape is there?"  
"Nope. You've got to face it Jean-Lucyou can't put  
it off any more."  
His voice drooped to a rough whisper.  
"It's so hard Beverlyso hard"  
"I know my love but you'll be well again soon. I need you  
to be well."  
"Why Beverlywhy are you so keen to see me recover quickly?  
You know it'll happen anyway."  
"Oh Jean-Lucyou must knowI love youI"  
"Tell me Beverly."  
Beverly stared at this resolute man who'd stolen her heart and  
came to a sudden decision.  
"I'm pregnant."  
His breathing stopped.  
"What? You're what?"  
"Pregnant Jean-Luc, you knowwith child."  
He put down the glass and stared at the table.  
"How?"  
"My implant malfunctioned."  
"When?"  
"The first time we made love."  
"So you're?"  
"Nine weeks."  
When he didn't say anything further, Beverly began to worry. She  
rose from the sofa and kneeled at his legs. She took his hands  
and looked deeply into his glittering eyes.  
"It's not necessarily a bad thing."  
"I know."  
"But?"  
He stood up and brushed past her, pacing about the room. Even  
dressed only in his sleep shorts he was an impressive man. Lost  
in thought, as he was now, only made him more desirable. Beverly  
rose to her feet and watched him as he wrestled with his thoughts.  
He stopped suddenly and stared at her.  
"You want to keep it?"  
She took a step towards him, but stopped.  
"Yes. But I'd rather not be a single parent again."  
He nodded and lowered his head. Beverly closed the distance between  
them and rubbed his arm gently.  
"Would it be such a terrible thing? To have a child with  
me?"  
He looked up at her incredulously.  
"Terrible? Beverly this is the most wonderful news I've ever  
had!"  
"Then why do you hesitate?"  
He gripped her elbow and led them both to the sofa. They sat and  
he gathered his thoughts.  
"Beverlysince the untimely deaths of my brother and  
nephewyou know my feelings about my regret over the non-continuance  
of the Picard line. You knowsurely you must knowthat  
I'm delighted by this newsbut would I make a good father?  
Look at me Beverly. At the moment I'm undergoing therapy for unresolved  
angerwhat sort of a father could I be when I can't even  
keep myself under control?"  
"Jean-Luc"  
"No Beverly, hear me. We need to think carefully about this.  
What if I make a mistake with the child? What if I shut it out,  
like I sometimes shut you out? A child deserves a full time father  
not a remote authority figure who will"  
"Stop it Jean-Luc! This self-castigating is getting us nowhere.  
I know you'll be a wonderful father. If I didn't I never would've  
told you. You're not yourself right now. Let's leave it a few  
days and, when your feeling stronger, we'll talk about itOk?"  
He looked speculatively at her but acquiesced. He picked up the  
glasses from the table and gave Beverly hers.  
"Is it all right for you to drink?"  
"One's ok."  
"Then here's tous, all three of us."  
They clinked tumblers and Jean-Luc tossed his down. Beverly sipped  
and giggled when she caught him glancing at her belly.  
"I'm not showing yet."  
He reddened slightly.  
"And there's no movement to be felt?"  
"No not yet."  
"May I?"  
He gently moved his hand over her abdomen as she shifted to accommodate  
him.  
"Who else knows?"  
"Deanna, Selar, Guinanoh, and Adam Simpson."  
"Ah yes, Adam Simpson."  
"I already knew when I saw himI scanned myself when  
the vomiting wouldn't go away. He prescribed an anti-emetic and  
supplied me with a vial so I wouldn't have to continually turn  
up at the Infirmary."  
"Are you well?"  
"I've had a few hormone problems, hypertension and headaches,  
but Selar has it under control."  
"Not life threatening I hope?"  
Beverly shook her head, making her lustrous red hair dance.  
"No! In fact we're both in tip-top condition. The problems  
should resolve themselves after the birth."  
"And what about your age. Won't it bedifficult?"  
"Not necessarily, but Selar will be monitoring me closely.  
I must admitI'm not really looking forward to the birth.  
Wesley was hard work and I would rather not have to go through  
that again, but there are lots of things to consider. Nothing's  
set in stone."  
Jean-Luc raised his hand and trailed his fingers down her face.  
"Well I have a suggestion, if you're willing."  
"Oh, what's that?"  
"Right now I find you incredibly attractive. I want to make  
love to you Beverly."  
Somewhat taken aback, Beverly smiled and cocked her head.  
"So do pregnant women turn you on?"  
"Apparently."  
She chuckled but soon moaned as he kissed her suddenly and passionately.  
His hands roamed over her body and she arched up to him as he  
cupped her breasts. Breaking the kiss, he stood and held out his  
hand. She stood with him and their hands entwined. He kissed her  
again and led her slowly to his bedroom. Slowly undressing her,  
he kissed all the newly exposed skin and lavished her with love  
and on the bed that he'd so recently departed, they made the most  
tender and extraordinary love that two people could manage. In  
every gesture, every caress, he tried to let her see into his  
heart, into his very soul to let her know that he was happy, to  
say to her with his body what his mouth could not.

 

 

 

 

Two days later Jean-Luc found himself at a loose  
end. Having finished therapy with Deanna for the day and still  
off duty, he decided to take a wander through his ship.  
The therapy sessions were, as Deanna predicted, gruelling. He  
was on an unfamiliar emotional roller coaster and didn't quite  
know how to handle the repercussions. Deanna helped, but he was  
still left feeling battered by the sessions. His feet took him  
out his door and he wasn't surprised to eventually find himself  
in the almost deserted lounge.  
He fronted the bar and Guinan appeared as if by magic.  
"Hello Picard, long time no see."  
He nodded to the bartender and watched as she polished the bar  
top.  
"So what brings you herethirsty?"  
"Not really."  
"A cup of tea then?"  
"Yes that would be fine, thank you."  
Guinan retrieved the steaming brew and placed it before the thoughtful  
Captain.  
She waited a while and, when he wasn't forthcoming, she opened  
the conversation.  
"Tell me Picard, what do you make of it all?"  
He looked up and straightened his arms on the bar.  
"Idon't know."  
Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he peered  
at the bartender.  
"You knowabout the pregnancy."  
"Yes."  
"What do you think?"  
"What's more to the pointwhat do you think?"  
Jean-Luc screwed his eyes shut and sighed.  
"I don't know about that either."  
"Are you happy about it?"  
"Yes! Definitely yes. I'm just not so sure this is the right  
timethat I can be a good father."  
"Let me tell you something Picardthere's no right time  
to have children. They come along when they're meant to and I  
can assure you, you'll be a very good father."  
"You sound very sure of yourself."  
"That's because I am. What else is bothering you?"  
He sighed again and sipped his tea.  
"These damn therapy sessions. I never know from one to the  
next what will come out! Today I learned I'm capable of murder,  
or at least the emotion that drives it. God I just wish"  
"No point in that Picard and you know it. You know what you  
have to do"  
"I'm doing it dammit!"  
"As I was sayingtrust your staff. Deanna knows what  
she's doing just allow her to do her job and don't be obstructive."  
"Obstructive? Guinan this is one of the hardest things I've  
ever done! I think I"  
"No, wrong again."  
"What?"  
"Being a parent will be the hardestand most rewarding  
thing you'll ever do. Trust me Picard, you haven't worked yet."  
He was silent for a time then drew himself up and addressed the  
computer.  
"Computer, where is Ensign Amy Fullarton?"  
"Ensign Amy Fullarton is currently in her quarters."  
"Is she alone?"  
"Affirmative."  
Jean-Luc looked up at his friend and grimaced.  
"Another of myindiscretions."  
"I was going to mention her."  
"I know."  
Guinan's eyes opened wide and she grinned at her friend.  
"You're definitely on the mend."  
He nodded, smiled warmly at her and left the bar.

 

 

 

 

 

Amy was bored. Since taking herself off duty she'd  
soon exhausted all the distractions in her quarters. Mark had  
been very supportive, but even his patience was wearing thin.  
She was challenging the computer to a game of Strategema when  
her door annunciator sounded. Rather than remaining in her seat,  
she went to the door and pressed the opener.  
Her visitor made her gasp, then gulp.  
"Captain!"  
"Ensign. May I come in?"  
"What? Oh yes! Of course!"  
She stood back at rigid attention, trembling right down to her  
boots.  
Jean-Luc entered her quarters and tried not to sigh.  
"At ease Ensign."  
"Aye Sir!"  
Jean-Luc closed his eyes and allowed a sigh to escape.  
"EnsignAmy, I need to talk to you and I don't want  
thistension between us. Relaxor shall I make that  
an order?"  
Tentatively at first, Amy felt her shoulders inch lower and she  
found her normal voice.  
"No Sir that won't be necessary. Would you like to sit?"  
Jean-Luc smiled warmly and nodded.  
"Only if you do too."  
They both sat and there followed a moment of uncomfortable silence,  
broken when Jean-Luc cleared his throat.  
"Ensign I've come to apologise."  
"Sir you don't need to"  
Jean-Luc blinked slowly and said softly,  
"Please don't interrupt me Ensign."  
"Yes Captain."  
"As I was sayingI want to offer my apologies for my  
inappropriate behaviour in regards to the accident. I overreacted  
and treated you most unfairly and I want you to know I regret  
my actions."  
Amy mustered a smile of her own.  
"Thank you Sir, it means a lot to me."  
"I hear you're off duty?"  
"Yes Sir. I was doing so poorlythere wasn't much point  
in me turning up."  
"I hope that can be rectified. You know we all make mistakes."  
"Sir?"  
"When I was an Ensign, my First Officer on the Hermes collected  
carnivorous plants from Argus IV. I wanted to make a good impression  
so I fed them one day. What I didn't know wasthey only ate  
insects from Argus IV. He had a supply of freeze-dried insects  
and I damn near killed the lot with replicated meat. It was a  
very near thing."  
"Oh dear."  
"Precisely. The point is Ensign; I understand what you did  
and why you did it. Whatever else happened was purely bad luck."  
"Captain Picardcan I ask you something?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you well now Sir?"  
He regarded the Ensign for a moment then decided to be honest.  
"My recovery isprogressing. I would be lying if I said  
it was easy."  
"I see Sir, thank you. I hope you're fully recovered soon."  
"As do I. Well I will leave now. I hope to see your name  
back on the duty roster earning the same high grades we're used  
to seeing from you."  
Amy beamed at her Captain and nodded vigorously.  
"Yes Sir, you bet!"  
Jean-Luc allowed an indulgent smile and left. He felt strangely  
light hearted.

 

 

 

 

 

Will Riker didn't often get the chance to be one  
up on Beverly Crusher. He spied her across the room in Sick Bay  
and decided to have a little funat her expense. He sidled  
up to her and whispered near her ear  
"Hi Mum."  
Beverly's hands stilled, but her face showed no emotion. Her patient  
looked up at the two senior officers and grinned. Beverly soon  
took the good humour away.  
"Now you listen to me Lieutenant. I've got better things  
to do than autosuture cuts gained from the ill use of razor blades.  
I don't care what your friend saysan isorazor does a better  
job! Now stay away from the replicator and shave in a safe manner."  
"Aye Sir."  
She stood back and allowed the chastened officer to leave. Her  
next words were directed at Will.  
"In my office you."  
He couldn't suppress a grin as they crossed Sick Bay. Once in  
her office he raised his hands before she could remonstrate with  
him.  
"Ok! I'm sorryDeanna warned me and I ignored her."  
"It's not funny Will!"  
He lowered his head, his grin fading.  
"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't think."  
Beverly felt her anger dissipating at the sight of the repentant  
First Officer.  
"Oh Willyou big fool"  
He heard the change in her tone and lifted his head.  
"SoI'm forgiven?"  
Beverly's frown melted into a smile.  
"Yes, you're forgiven, though God knows why."  
They both shared a chuckle and sat down.  
"So Beverly how are you?"  
"Oh you knowcoping."  
"Just coping?"  
"Well I've got some medical issues, but it's all under control."  
"Good, that's good. Beverlydoes he know?"  
Beverly sighed and ran her hands through her hair.  
"Yes he knows."  
"And?"  
"Let's just sayhe's nothe's not sure."  
"Not sure? About what?"  
"Oh about being a father. He's going through a lot right  
now Will, he needs time."  
"But he's happy about itisn't he?"  
"Yes."  
"That's it? Just 'yes'."  
"It's complicated! Look I think in time he'll be happy and  
confidenteventually."  
"Well as long as you're happy?"  
She smiled then and winked at her friend.  
"Oh I'm happy, don't you worry."  
Will grinned at her and rose to his feet.  
"Ok. I'll see you, all right?"  
"Yes Will, that's fine."  
She watched his departing back and enjoyed a few moments peace  
in the sanctuary of her office. It was, however, short lived.  
Deanna appeared at her door and requested admittance.  
"Sure come in."  
The Counsellor sat and frowned at the Doctor.  
"What is it Deanna?"  
"The session was pretty rough today."  
"How is he taking it?"  
"Outwardlygood."  
"But?"  
"He's resisting me."  
"Damn!"  
Deanna clasped her hands and rested them on her lap.  
"Don't be too harsh Beverly, he's trying, he really is, but  
we're reaching into feelings he's left buried for a very long  
time. It's going to take time."  
"Do you want me to talk to him?"  
"No. The last thing he needs is to feel that he's being pressured."  
"Ok, granted, but don't let him bully you Dee. You know how  
clever he can be."  
"Oh I know, don't you worry. He's already tried some mental  
gymnastics with me. God he can be slippery when he wants to be."  
"Tell me about it! Sometimes a simple discussion can turn  
into a complete debacle if he so wishes. Moodythat's how  
he's been lately."  
"Well that's understandable."  
Beverly leaned forward, frowning.  
"When's the next session?"  
"Tomorrow morning. I left him to his own devices this afternoon.  
I thought he could do with some time on his own."  
Beverly nodded and smiled.  
"Yes he would appreciate that."  
"Beverlywhen you see him tonightbe gentle with  
him. He's very fragile right now."  
The red head nodded and sighed.  
"I hear you Deanna. Don't worry I'll take care of him."  
Deanna left soon after, leaving a very thoughtful Doctor in her  
wake.

 

 

 

 

After Jean-Luc left Amy's cabin he wandered aimlessly  
through the ship, nodding greetings to his passing crew. His good  
feelings had faded and his mind kept creeping back to his last  
session with Deanna.  
He found an observation room on deck twelve and sat in one of  
the chairs, staring out at the stars. As his mind furnished the  
images unerringly, he drifted off into thought. It was over four  
hours later that he became aware of another presence in the room.  
Startled, he sprang up from his chair.  
"Hey, take it easy, it's just me."  
"Beverly!"  
"It's getting late Jean-Luc. I asked the computer where you  
wereI didn't think you'd mind?"  
He sat back down, his shoulders slumped.  
"Nothat's fine."  
Beverly knelt at his knees and gently placed her hands on his  
thighs.  
"What is it my love?"  
He shook his head and closed his eyes.  
"It's nothingreallyI'm fine."  
Beverly felt her anger rising but pushed it ruthlessly aside.  
Softly and patiently she asked again,  
"Jean-Luc it's me. Tell me what's wrong."  
Slowly, almost imperceptibly he leaned forward until his head  
rested on her shoulder. His arms crept around her shoulders and  
she strained to hear his roughened voice.  
"Just hold me Beverly."  
She frowned and leaned her face against his head. Her own arms  
surrounded him as she felt him trembling. When she felt his tears  
she cried herself.  
"We'll get through this Jean-LucI promise."  
His only response was to tighten his embrace. Beverly reasoned  
he would not like to be seen in this state and tapped her combadge.  
"Transporter Room, two to beam directly to the Captain's  
quarters."  
They rematerialised on the floor in the main room of his cabin.  
Not bothering with moving to the chairs, Beverly cradled his head  
and began to rock back and forth.  
His hands gathered fistfuls of material on her back as he began  
to sob. Beverly's own tears coursed down her cheeks as his heart  
broke.  
They stayed like that for over an hour as the storm of emotion  
raged within Jean-Luc. When it eased, Beverly helped him into  
his bedroom and together they laid on his bed. In the darkness  
Jean-Luc steadied his breathing.  
"I'm sorry Beverly."  
"What for? It's about time you released some tension my love."  
"Perhaps but I didn't intend for you to witness such a display."  
"Afraid I'll see you're only human?"  
She felt rather than saw his smile.  
"Hardly. It's justI don't like being sovulnerable."  
"Jean-Luc considering what you've been throughwhat  
you're going throughI don't know how you've held it in so  
long."  
They were quiet a time, each comfortable in the other's company.  
Beverly smiled tenderly when he spoke.  
"I only know one thing my loveI couldn't get through  
all this if it wasn't for you. The thought of returning to my  
quarters and having you herein my armsmeans more to  
me than I can sufficiently articulate. I love you Beverly, never  
forget that."  
Beverly snuggled into his embrace and kissed his chin.  
"Then that makes two of us. I'm kinda keen on you too."  
He chuckled, the sound thrilling Beverly. She allowed her hand  
to slip under his shirt where she dallied in the hair of his chest.  
He sighed and released one arm, lying back on the bed, completely  
open to his lover. Beverly rose up on her knees and slowly undid  
the three buttons of his shirt. Encouraging him to sit up, she  
slipped the garment from his body then gently pushed him back  
down to the bed. Next she moved to his feet and took his shoes  
and socks off, discarding them over the side of the bed to join  
the shirt.  
Moving back to his head, she kissed him languidly while her hands  
tweaked his stiffening nipples.  
His own hands slid up her sides and cupped her breasts, kneading  
them through the material of her uniform. She let her hands leave  
his chest and wander down his torso. She smiled into their kiss  
when his stomach fluttered as her fingers tickled him. At the  
waistband of his trousers, she hesitated, taking time to gently  
outline his erection through the fabric.  
In the silence of his bedroom, he began to undress her, pieces  
of her uniform joining his clothes on the floor. By mutual agreement,  
they parted from the kiss. Beverly sat up, still softly caressing  
him through his trousers. She stared at him intently, thrilled  
as his eyes glittered in the dark. Dressed now only in her underwear,  
she made an alluring image as she fondled him, the light from  
the passing stars picking up highlights in her hair.  
Slowly she undid the closure of his pants and watched as the zip  
undid itself under the pressure of his straining erection. She  
gathered the trousers at his hips and pulled them down the length  
of his legs, pleased when they landed on the floor. She crawled  
up his body and paused at his groin where she bent low and kissed  
him forcibly, wetting the fabric of his briefs. In silence he  
thrust up rubbing himself over her face. She smiled sultrily and  
slipped her fingers under the waistband. Slowly, centimetre-by-centimetre,  
she lowered the briefs exposing his throbbing penis bit by bit.  
She cast a glance up and found him watching her. As their eyes  
met he licked his lips slowly, making her heart flutter. Once  
his underwear had found the floor, Beverly returned to his penis  
and slowly dragged her tongue up the length of the shaft. His  
hips bucked but still silence reigned.  
When she slipped her lips over the head and swirled her tongue  
around him, she noticed his hands grabbing at the sheets. She  
released him and slid her body up his. His arms immediately embraced  
her and his mouth found hers in a searingly passionate kiss.  
They parted gasping as his hands deftly rid her of her bra and  
panties. They lay together, their hands exploring each other until  
Jean-Luc gently eased Beverly onto her back.  
He gazed lovingly into her eyes as his hands moved down her body  
to dally in the copper curls of her mons. She parted her legs  
wide and he made himself comfortable between them. He looked down  
at her moist sex and inhaled her unique scent as his fingers began  
to trace her outlines. Again he stared at her while he explored  
her folds. His eyes never leaving hers, he found her entrance  
and slid first one, then another thick finger into her heated  
depths before slothfully sliding them in and out.  
One of her hands went to her nipples; the other went down and  
spread her labia for him.  
It was a blatantly erotic thing to do and his penis twitched in  
response, growing harder. His free hand joined hers and together  
they gently caressed her clitoris.  
Beverly's eyes drifted shut and her mouth opened silently. Arching  
her neck, she pressed her head back into the pillow as her hips  
undulated in time with his thrusting fingers.  
Seeing her so wantonly sexual, so utterly desirablehe could  
no longer wait. He withdrew his fingers and spent a short moment  
watching her pleasuring herself before he took her hand and moved  
it aside. He then took his penis and slid the head through her  
folds, pushing up and over her swollen clitoris again and again.  
Beverly raised her hand and he gripped it, entwining their fingers.  
He spread his knees, nudging her legs further apart and positioned  
himself at her opening. Her eyes snapped open and she watched  
him as he penetrated her slowly, her interior stretching to accommodate  
him.  
When his hips met hers he took their hands and placed them beside  
her head as he started to slowly thrust. She lifted her head and  
they met in a deep kiss, their eyes still locked.  
With each sliding invasion and retreat, Beverly moved ever closer  
to her climax. Already very close, she lifted her legs up and  
over his hips meeting every thrust with a motion of her own. Jean-Luc  
felt her juices bathing his penis and began to quicken his pace.  
Time and time again he pulled almost all the way out then plunged  
back into her quickly sending a shiver of sensation through both  
their bodies. Her hands left his and gripped his shoulders, gasps  
beginning to burst from their mouths.  
Suddenly Beverly felt the onrush of orgasm. She arched up from  
the bed and raked her nails down his back, her mouth open in a  
silent scream. As she pulsed around him he pumped into her furiously  
sending her over the edge again as he spasmed through his own  
release. It surged through his body, his heightened senses reaching  
out and touching Beverly's.  
Together they clung to each other, briefly, fleetingly touching  
each other's soul before collapsing onto the bed panting and gasping.  
Later as they lay in each other's arms, Jean-Luc spoke, the first  
words for a long time.  
"Thank you my love."  
Beverly nuzzled his neck and sighed happily.  
"You're welcome."

 

 

 

 

 

The next day found Jean-Luc once again in the  
Counsellor's office. He was seated and decidedly uncomfortable.  
"Look Counsellor I really don't think"  
"Well I do! Captain please believe me what you're feeling  
is natural after what you've been through. If you didn't have  
these feelings I would have cause to worry. Now take some time  
and centre yourself as I've shown you and think about what you  
just said."  
Jean-Luc sighed and reluctantly closed his eyes, feeling vaguely  
silly. Nevertheless, he went through the mental exercises Deanna  
had taught him and felt calmer for it. When he felt ready he spoke.  
"When I said I wanted to kill them all, I didn't mean"  
"Yes you did! You're forgetting I can sense your emotions.  
Your desire to rid the universe of all Borg is understandable,  
if a little extreme. It is, however, a valid emotion and you shouldn't  
deny it. It's as much a part of you as anything else you might  
feel and you're not diminished in any way for feeling it."  
"But really Counsellorgenocide?"  
Deanna shook her head.  
"Captain those feelings encompass much. You aren't just trying  
to protect yourself, your trying to protect all of us. You know  
what assimilation is like. You know, above everyone else what  
that kind of rape is like and you don't ever want anybody else  
to go through it. I'd say that was a very altruistic thought."  
"Still"  
"Captain Picard give yourself a little room to move. Admit  
to yourself that these feelings are valid and move on. Denying  
them only sets you back."  
He sighed and ran his hands over his head.  
"All right Deanna, but I'm not sure we're getting anywhere.  
Yesterday it was murdering one Borgnow it's wiping out the  
entire race. I'm not so sure that's an improvement."  
Deanna smiled and clasped her hands between her knees.  
"Well it is for you, at least you're admitting it. Tell me  
how are you sleeping?"  
He flushed slightly at that, causing Deanna to grin slyly.  
"AhI'm sleeping quite well actually. With Beverly thereit  
helps."  
"I'm sure it does. Would you like to talk about the pregnancy?"  
"I'm not sure it would help."  
"How do you feel about it?"  
"On a basic level I'm delighted. I never though I would ever  
have a childI thought my family line would die out with  
me and the fact that the child is the product of Beverly and myself  
is a matter of joy for meit's just that I'm not so sure  
I will make a good father, I've had absolutely no experience"  
"What about the Kataan probe? How much do you remember about  
Meribor and Batai?"  
"I have a complete memory of them."  
"So why do you think this will be any different?"  
"Because this is real."  
Deanna stood, went to the replicator and retrieved drinks for  
them both. Regaining her seat, she blew on the hot Valerian tea.  
"Captain your memories of Kataan are real to you. Just because  
it never really happened doesn't invalidate the experience. I  
think you know a lot more about being a father than you think."  
Jean-Luc looked thoughtfully into his Earl Grey.  
"Perhaps Counsellor, perhaps."  
"Captain there's something I would like to trysomething  
to do with your recovery, but it may be stressful for you."  
"What is it?"  
"I'd rather not say right now. Would you meet me at Holodeck  
Three this afternoon, at about 1400 hours?"  
Jean-Luc frowned and hesitated, but demurred.  
"As you wish."  
"Good, I'll see you there."  
Placing his cup on the table, he rose to his feet and looked down  
at his Counsellor.  
"DeannaI do appreciate everything you do for me."  
"I know Captain, I know."  
He left her office a feeling of disquiet deep in his belly.

 

 

 

 

At 1145 he turned up at Sick Bay and entered,  
taking a moment to watch his lover at work. He marvelled at how  
easily she went about her tasks, always bringing a smile to those  
around her.  
Rousing himself, he wandered over and stood to one side, waiting  
to gain her attention.  
Nurse Alyssa Ogawa saw him and raised her eyebrows at her boss.  
Frowning, Beverly turned, her frown disappearing to be replaced  
by a wide smile.  
"Hello Captain. What can we do for you?"  
He smiled and glanced down at his shoes, marvelling at the fact  
she could make him feel like a teenager again.  
"Actually I was hoping we could have lunch together. I seem  
to be at a loose end."  
"Lunch sounds delightful Jean-Luc. Why don't you wait in  
my office? I'll be free in a few minutes."  
He grinned his agreement and made his way to her office, taking  
a seat and making himself comfortable. Beverly joined him soon  
after and together they left Sick Bay.  
"Where are we going?"  
"Oh the lounge I think."  
"Won't it be crowded at this time of day?"  
Jean-Luc's feet stopped and he considered her question.  
"You knowyou're right. Well, where would you like to  
go?"  
Beverly thought for a moment and came up with an idea.  
"Why don't we replicate a picnic and go to the Arboretum?"  
"Splendid! I can order the staff to give us some privacy"  
"Jean-Lucthat might be better as a suggestion."  
"Hmm. Agreed. There should be a replicator in here"  
They entered a utility room and spent some time conjuring up their  
picnic. Thus armed, they made their way to the ship's Arboretum.  
Karl Stynes the head Botanist greeted them personally and noted  
their accoutrements. He led them to a new exhibit area and left  
them, subtly signalling to his staff to leave them alone.  
Jean-Luc spread the blanket at the base of a tree and placed the  
basket upon it. He and Beverly seated themselves and enjoyed taking  
out their food and drinks. They ate slowly savouring the delights  
and lingering over the chilled wine. Beverly propped her back  
against the tree trunk and invited Jean-Luc to lie with his head  
in her lap. They had been quietly contemplating their thoughts,  
Beverly idly stroking his head when he softly spoke.  
"Beverly?"  
"Mmm?"  
"I've been thinking about the baby."  
Beverly's hand stilled and she looked down at her best friend  
and lover.  
"And?"  
"I think it's going to be all right."  
Beverly let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She  
bent forward and kissed his forehead.  
"Thank you my love. What made you come to that?"  
He was silent a while then sighed.  
"My therapy's helpingI'm getting better at coping with  
the memoriesand Deanna reminded me about Meribor and Batai.  
I remember being a father to them and I recall the mistakes I  
made and I realised I've got the chance to do something very few  
people get to have."  
"What's that?"  
"Well I can be a better father. As I said I remember the  
mistakes and I've learned from them. I don't think I'll be likely  
to repeat them. How many parents get that chance?"  
Beverly chuckled and shook her head.  
"None that I know of."  
"See what I mean?"  
He sat up then and looked at her belly.  
"Do you know the sex?"  
"No."  
"When is your next examination?"  
"The day after tomorrow."  
He scooted up next to her and placed a tender hand on her abdomen.  
"Can I be there?"  
Beverly's eyes began to fill with tears. She smiled lopsidedly  
and nodded.  
"Of course you can."  
Jean-Luc sighed with happiness and leaned in to kiss his love  
sweetly.  
They stayed happily in each other's company for another hour before  
duty called. Beverly reminded him that she had to return to Sick  
Bay and together they packed up their picnic. As they exited the  
Arboretum his hand sought and held hers, shocking Beverly by the  
overt nature of the gesture.  
He returned to his quarters and read for a while, setting his  
computer to call him at 1345.  
This it duly did and he left his cabin and made his way to the  
Holodeck.

 

 

 

 

 

Deanna was waiting for him as he rounded the  
corner, her hands behind her back.  
"Hello Captain."  
"Counsellor."  
He looked at the closed doors of the Holodeck and frowned.  
"You said this may beunsettling."  
"Yes Sir."  
"Very welllet's get on with it shall we?"  
Deanna went to the computer interface and called up a programme.  
The computer bade them entry and they went in, only to see the  
usual black and yellow grid in the cavernous room. Deanna raised  
her voice and called,  
"Computer run programme Troi Delta Two."  
In an instant their surrounds changed to that of the interior  
of a Borg cube. Jean-Luc gasped and spun around, reeling with  
the memories that hammered in his head.  
"Captain"  
His eyes fell on the Counsellor and he followed her pointing finger.  
He turned to be confronted by a Borg Drone. He cried out and stepped  
back, grabbing Deanna's shoulder and pulling her with him. She  
halted him after a few steps and in a gentle voice, spoke to him.  
"It's all right Captainit can't hurt you."  
Jean-Luc, panting and savagely suppressing the urge to flee, looked  
askance at the Counsellor.  
"What the hell is this about?" he hissed.  
"This."  
Deanna bent and picked up a heavy wooden club from the floor and  
handed it to the sweating Jean-Luc.  
"You have the opportunity to do whatever you want to this  
drone. Kill it, maim itsmash it to piecesanything  
you wish."  
Jean-Luc stared at the drone, it's blinking lights and ghastly  
green pallor so real. He took a hesitant step forward and raised  
the club. The drone didn't react. He stepped closer and raised  
the club higher, growling with fury. Then he stopped, frozen in  
place as he fought the battle in his mind.  
Deanna watched silently, a part of her curious to see what he'd  
do. She was not surprised when he slowly lowered the club and  
dropped it to the floor. He stepped up to the drone then walked  
warily around it, inspecting it minutely. When he finished the  
inspection he turned his back on it, cast a glance at Deanna and  
called for the arch.  
"You're leaving Captain?"  
He stopped and turned his head.  
"Yes Counsellor. I have better things to do with my time."

 

 

 

 

 

The next day he met with Deanna in her office.  
"So Captain, how do you feel?"  
He smiled and shook his head.  
"Liberated."  
Deanna nodded, also smiling.  
"You took a large step yesterday, I'm very proud of you.  
Do you know why you didn't act out your fantasies?"  
"Not reallyI just knew it wouldn't helpthat in  
the end I had to come to terms with myself, not the Borg."  
"Yes. I'm sorry it was soconfrontational, but I think  
it was necessary."  
He shook his head and smiled ruefully.  
"You know if you had told me what was waiting for meI  
wouldn't have gone in."  
"I know, but sometimes we have to face our worse fears in  
order to conquer them."  
"So that's your new counselling techniqueconfrontation?"  
Deanna laughed and stood, bringing the session to an end.  
"Well let's just say I'll reserve it for recalcitrant Captains.  
I'll see you next week."  
"Next week? Not tomorrow?"  
"No Captain you're well on the road to recovery now."  
Jean-Luc left her office feeling like a reprieved man. He tapped  
his combadge and called Beverly.  
"Picard to Crusher."  
"Crusher here Captain."  
"Beverly I have some good news"

 

 

 

 

Seven months later Jean-Luc and Beverly were once  
again in Sick Bay. Beverly was reclining in a birthing chair as  
Jean-Luc wiped the sweat from her brow. He held tightly to her  
hand as she grimaced in pain. Selar sat between Beverly's legs,  
encouraging her.  
"One more push Doctorthe head and shoulders have appeared."  
Beverly panted and looked up at her concerned partner. She was  
about to say something to him when another contraction took her.  
"Oh God"  
Her back arched and Jean-Luc supported her as the spasm overtook  
her. She gasped and cried out, her body writhing with effort.  
"I have the baby!"  
Beverly let out a large breath as the pain subsided and tried  
to remember to ease her grip on Jean-Luc's hand. She looked up  
to see him staring at her intently. With her eyes on him she asked  
Selar  
"What is it?"  
"You have a son Doctor. Congratulations to you both."  
Selar got to her feet and proffered the bundle to Jean-Luc. He  
dragged his eyes away from his lover and disengaged his hand from  
Beverly. Lifting his arms, he took his son and showed him to his  
mother.  
"Hello there little one."  
Beverly winced as another contraction took her and Selar went  
to tend to her needs. Jean-Luc gazed down at his newborn son,  
tears misting his eyes.  
"Welcome aboard Jean-Jacques."  



End file.
